8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

by Jay Shetty

“When you like a flower, you pluck it. When you love a flower, you water it daily.”

The ancient Greeks said there were seven basic types: Eros, which is sexual or passionate love; Philia, or friendship; Storge, or familial love; Agape, which is universal love; Ludus, which is casual or noncommittal love; Pragma, which is based on duty or other interests; and Philautia, which is self-love.

The Vedas introduced me to the fundamental ideas that love has stages, that love is a process, and that we all desire to love and be loved.

I want to help you intentionally build love instead of wishing, wanting, and waiting for it to arrive fully formed.

I want you to create a love that grows every day, expanding and evolving rather than achieved and complete.

I define the deepest love as when you like someone’s personality,

respect their values, and help them toward their goals in a long-term, committed relationship.

Loneliness makes us rush into relationships; it keeps us in the wrong relationships; and it urges us to accept less than we deserve.

It’s nice to exchange opinions with someone about a movie, class, or lecture, but when you attend by yourself, you practice developing your ideas and opinions without the influence of someone else’s taste.

We have to train ourselves not to instantly like and trust the most attractive person in the room without remembering that we don’t know this person or understand them.

We look to our partner, essentially saying, “I’m bored, entertain me. I’m tired, energize me. I’m angry, make me laugh. I’m frustrated, comfort me. I’m unhappy, cheer me up.” We treat our partners like human Advil, looking to them for instant relief.