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“If Santa Claus doesn’t exist, does God, or the devil?” Mum looked to Dad and he said, “Nobody knows.” I found that concept difficult. If they knew for a fact that Santa Claus didn’t exist, why didn’t they know for sure about God?
In the outside world, you will find more people who are kind than people who are not. Seek them out.
It is because of your very early experiences that you are sometimes socially and emotionally disconnected. Your tendency to take things literally is a hangover from your early years of social isolation in captivity. It is most fortunate that you have no memory of that time before we brought you home. I would strongly advise you to do nothing at all to try to revive those memories, as I know they could only be traumatizing.