Good for You

by Camille Pagán

“It’s entirely possible that I’m never going to be okay again. And somehow, that’s going to have to be okay.”

she would stop worrying about looking normal and just . . . be.

“Different people respond differently to trauma,”

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to get over this. I don’t really know how to feel good anymore, and it seems like that’s never going to change.”

“Probably. But maybe we’re not supposed to get over things like this.

Everyone else acknowledges how bad it is at first, but then over time, they move on, and you’re still carrying around that heavy loss. I don’t know.”

“You might be pleasantly surprised by what happens when you let life happen to you.”

When you weren’t always worrying about how to pay for your life, you could actually take a beat to enjoy it.

Crying seemed to her an act of hope, in that letting out the sadness would make way for something better.

“I know. I know. You’re going to get through this. You are.” “I don’t want to,” cried Aly. “I know that, too,” said Cindy, holding her tight. “Trust me, I do. But I’m here. You’re here. It’s going to be okay.”

Because grief? That was normal. So was trauma, even—or maybe especially—if it had been lingering for decades.

There were so many things she wanted to say to him; so many moments and memories that he would not be a part of. Even after all the grieving she had done over the past month, the thought of life without her brother felt unfathomable.

Maybe he was the sun, warming her skin. Maybe he was the wind at her back, or the tiny glittering star she saw in the distance. But as she closed her eyes and remembered, Aly knew exactly where Luke was. With her—just as he’d always been.