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Right before I fall asleep, I whisper, “I love you, Kaiden.” I love you and I’m sorry. I love you and I wish things were different.
When you tear up, you’re simply unsure. When you cry, you know. I don’t want to know. I don’t want Dad to know.
“There’s a card of a mouse on your nightstand. I saw it when he called us in…” He swallows and takes a deep breath. “He called you Mouse once.”
“I’ll v-visit when I can. When you have g-games, I’ll…come see you play and cheer you on.”
“Th-thank you.” He blinks up at me. “Thank you for…being my friend. My best friend. Anyone could have stepped up and…tried knowing me, and th-they didn’t. It was always just you.”
The realization slams into me, slices through me, opens me up. But I welcome it—the truth.
“How long?” His jaw moves side to side. “It depends.” “Mouse,” Kaiden whispers brokenly.
“I just got you back, Em.” I simply nod. “I just…” Tears overwhelm him. Feelings. Reality. Acceptance. “We got a year, Daddy.” “It’s not enough.”
It was Kaiden and me leaning against a tree with a grave between us. A grave labeled with Lo’s name.
“I expect you to be at every game, Mouse.” His voice cracking has my heart doing the same, a big split right down the middle. “Best friends support each other. They’re there for each other.”
Mama opens her lips…and starts singing. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
Then it happens. The fucking sunshine. The dispersing clouds. The rainbow. Once upon a time, I’d been told by a girl full of hope that her twin sister looked down at her from the sky. I thought it was bullshit. As much bullshit as the damn song she loved listening to that I can’t stand hearing when it comes on. But there it is.
If you don’t go to UM, I’ll haunt you.

