Three to Get Deadly (Stephanie Plum, #3)

by Janet Evanovich

I didn’t want to burst his fantasy bubble, but the only time Ranger wouldn’t look out of place would be standing in a lineup between Rambo and Batman.

My father is an equal opportunity bigot. He wouldn’t deprive a man of his rights. And he’s not a hate-filled man. He simply knows in his heart that Italians are superior, that stereotypes were created by God, and if a person is worth anything at all he drives a Buick.

I’d decided at an early age to stop being embarrassed over my family. This is yet another advantage to living in Jersey. In Jersey everyone has the right to embarrass themselves with no reflection on anyone else. In fact, embarrassing yourself periodically is almost required.

Ranger declined the butterscotch pudding, not wanting to disrupt the consistency of his blood sugar level. I had two puddings and coffee, choosing to keep my pancreas at peak performance. Use it or lose it is my philosophy.

To celebrate our partnership I dressed up like Ranger. Black boots, black jeans, black turtleneck, small silver hoop earrings.

“Do you know who Mo is using for a lawyer?” “Mo waived counsel.” “I ran into him, and he said he had a lawyer.” There was a pause at the other end. “You ran into Mo?” “He was at the candy store.” “And?” “And he got away.” “I hear they’re hiring at the button factory.”

A blue-and-white cruised to the curb behind Morelli’s 4x4. Eddie Gazarra got out of the car and walked our way. We met him on the street, and we all looked to the store. “Break out the crime tape,” Morelli said. “Shit,” Gazarra said. “I’m not going to like this.”

When I was pink and clean I crawled into bed and pretended I was at Disney World. Stephanie Plum, master of denial. Why deal with the trauma of almost being tortured when I could put it off indefinitely? Someday when the memory was fuzzy at the edges I’d dredge it up and give it attention. Stephanie Plum’s rule of thumb for mental health—always procrastinate the unpleasant. After all, I could get run over by a truck tomorrow and never have to come to terms with the attack at all.

“See, Jackie and me, we’ve both been beat on a lot. That’s the way it is when you haven’t got a daddy, and your mama’s a crackhead. There’s always lots of uncles coming and going and getting high. And when they get high they beat on you. “Trouble now is that Jackie’s still letting people beat on her. She doesn’t know she can make it stop. I try to tell her. I tell her to look at me. Nobody’s gonna beat on me ever again. I’ve got self-respect. I’m gonna do something with my life. I might even go to college someday.”

I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times. This time around, Stuart Baggett would be trussed up like a Christmas goose for his trip to the lockup.