Quietly Hostile

by Samantha Irby

I don’t make a lot of goals because it’s hard to do things that are different from what you are currently doing. It’s also embarrassing when you fall short, especially when that shit is easy. Drink more water? Can’t do it. Go to bed earlier? But what about my shows? Give up sugar? Not possible. Save more money? But what about buying stuff ? Learn a new skill? Where and also how and also with what brain? Get organized?

QUIETLY HOSTILE is how I would describe my public personality; I am mild-mannered and super polite, but just beneath the surface of my skin, my blood is electrified and I am one inconsiderate driver away from a full Falling Down–style emotional collapse. I don’t know how to teach a child not to seethe and instead to develop a healthy coping and communication style, because I do not know how to do that for myself.