When You Least Expect It

by Haley Cass

“Let me order us some dinner and watch something adult-like that we aren’t allowed to when Abbie’s here.” It takes her a moment to register what that implies when she says it aloud, her cheeks coloring at it. “I meant a horror movie or – something.” But her slight embarrassment is so incredibly worth the amused smile that actually reaches Hannah’s eyes. “What, you didn’t mean porn?”

But mostly, she wishes that Hannah could look in the mirror every day and see that she shines as bright as the moon and has twice the gravitational pull.

And because Hannah is so very much like a sunset – with all of the layers that make her who she is, every single one of them different and absolutely beautiful, but sometimes concealing what else is in the sky – Caroline can’t quite read all of the emotions under that vulnerability.

She didn’t mean to fall in love with Hannah at all. But here she is, curled up with a family that isn’t quite hers, and she’s never wanted anything more. So. Fucked.

“Caroline may have been my best, though. Definitely up there in my top three.”

“Kissing. With purpose. Sucking her lip between mine and grinding down against her, with both of us knowing where this is going. Feeling her body under mine, arching against me when I kiss and bite down her neck.”

“I miss teasing. Feeling how much she wants me and getting her worked up, touching until she’s desperate for more. Feeling her move against me.”

“No, mostly I miss making her come.”

“What I miss most of all is holding my hands against her hips and pressing her down against the bed. Feeling her dripping against my mouth, how hard her hips press against my face. Her hands in my hair, how desperate she gets, her legs shaking, my name the only thing she can say…”

She kind of still can’t believe she’d essentially had in-person phone sex with Hannah, because it sounds extremely unlike what she would ever intend to do in the sober light of day.

“Well, it all started when I was twelve and Buffy the Vampire Slayer started airing. Sarah Michelle Gellar really did things to me.”

“For the record, I’m wearing the Suffolk law shirt you forgot here once. And my underwear. Goodnight.”

“I’m letting you guide us. I don’t want to… push you.” She’s trying so hard not to cross any boundaries, even though with every single day that goes by, she wants more. Hannah leans back against the door, her tongue sliding slowly over her bottom lip, and Caroline’s eyes trail after it, hungrily, before snapping to Hannah’s. “Push me,” she rasps.

“That night. At the lake house. I went to the bathroom and I touched myself.”

“I want you and Abbie, every day. I want everything with you and that’s… a lot. I know,” she admits, the weight of it crushing. “I’m not asking for everything right now. I’m not asking for you to… to love me, to take a leap with me. I only want that when you’re ready. I’m just asking to know that you are really in this.”

I love her body. I can’t stop staring. I get it. The curve of her waist. The fullness of her breasts. Her hands. I just, get it. Desire. True, sheer desire.

“I just didn’t realize until I looked back that I didn’t draw you just like I drew other people. Like a building. I drew you… like I would draw a queen. Like I’m in love with you.”