When You Least Expect It

by Haley Cass

the thing is, as much as she likes to pretend she isn’t, as much as she puts on that brave face whenever her mom asks when she’s bringing someone home, Caroline is lonely.

“A lesbian. You can say it, it’s not a bad word.”

She always smells like coffee – heaven – and vanilla – double heaven

But mostly, she wishes that Hannah could look in the mirror every day and see that she shines as bright as the moon and has twice the gravitational pull.

She didn’t mean to fall in love with Hannah at all. But here she is, curled up with a family that isn’t quite hers, and she’s never wanted anything more. So. Fucked.

There’s an acute pain in her chest at the words, because Hannah just has no idea just how true her words are – just how hers Caroline is.

she has to move on from Hannah if she wants this to be a healthy and lasting friendship for everyone involved.

Because there’s a list of women that Caroline has tried to make it work with, and yet it never has. And when that would inevitably happen with Hannah, she’d be beyond devastated.

“I miss feeling someone’s body against mine. Completely naked, warm skin touching all over. Knowing she wants me the way I want her.”

The touch is so light and tender, it makes Caroline feel precious in a way she’s certain no woman before her has ever even attempted.

It makes her feel cared for. In ways Caroline has rarely felt ever since being a kid

So Caroline drops it, even though it remains on her mind. She’s never done very well with unanswered questions.

Caroline opens her mouth but doesn’t know what to say. Everything she felt like she knew is tossed upside down and her heart is still beating so hard in her chest.

She wants Hannah every night. All of the time. In every way.

Hannah Dalton wants her. Hannah is attracted to her, yes, but also… wants her. Hannah has felt the moments that Caroline has been feeling for months and she hasn’t been alone in this. The entire world is different with that knowledge.

She wants to walk into the room with Hannah and have everyone know that she loves this woman. That’s certainly not where Hannah is, though, so she nods.

“I’m letting you guide us. I don’t want to… push you.” She’s trying so hard not to cross any boundaries, even though with every single day that goes by, she wants more.

She needs, more than anything, to know that Hannah trusts her, after this last year together.

She doesn’t know where they go if Hannah doesn’t reciprocate these feelings, or feel like she can reciprocate them.