‘Who screwed us?’ ‘The Portuguese assumed the missionary position. The Dutch took us from behind. By the time the Brits came along, we were already on our knees, with our hands behind our backs and our mouths open.’ ‘I’m glad we were colonised by the British,’ you say. ‘Better than being slaughtered by the French,’ says the Priest. ‘Or enslaved by the Belgians.’ ‘Or gassed by the Germans.’ ‘Or raped by Spaniards.’
