Pumpkin Spice and Not So Nice

by Becky Monson

When dating an emotionally unavailable man, get ready for disappointment. Because there’s going to be a lot of it.

Why am I cursed? Because for each and every one of those invites, I was the last person the grooms dated before they met their one true love, or . . . whatever.

I don’t need anyone to be disappointed in me. I’ve got that covered all by myself. I had much bigger ideas about how my life should have turned out by now.

My toxic trait is that people tend to open up to me. It’s like I have a sign on my head that says, Dump your problems on Jenna! Which makes me a magnet for emotionally unavailable men. Like flies on rotting fruit. I’m the rotting fruit in this metaphor, in case that wasn’t obvious.

Can Yaman, you have my heart.

CASSIAN!!!

I’m not totally sure I know what love feels like—certainly not the reciprocated kind.

“It’s hard to lose someone you love.” “It is.” He nods. He sits there for a minute, pondering. “It sort of feels like something’s missing in my life, you know?” “I do,” I say. “It’s like you’re still you, but not who you used to be.”

You’ll replay a lot of conversations in your mind and dwell on lots of things you wish you would have or could have said. Try not to waste your brainpower on it.

But I’d said it, it was embarrassing, and now I’m going to have to suffer through replaying it in my head for the rest of my life because that’s just how these kinds of things go for me.

I change my mind back. This guy needs me. Also, I’m feeling ravenous and it smells amazing in here, like garlic and butter. That also might have played into my decision.

But when I think back on the me that existed in high school—the one who had big future plans—I feel like I disappointed her somehow. High school Jenna had it all figured out. I was going to get my degree, have a fantastic career in public relations, and be married by twenty-five, with a couple of kids by the time I was thirty. And now look at me. Not that my life is bad. Well, maybe the whole only-attracting-difficult-men aspect and not knowing what being in love is like aren’t so great. It just goes to show, you can’t plan out your life.

Asking for a commitment will be like trying to get blood from a stone. Expect excuses.

read once that a ten-second hug can actually produce oxytocin. I don’t know if it’s accurate, but ever since then I’ve tried to make sure my hugs with my family and close friends were longer. If I can provide the world with more stress-relieving hormones by hugging, then I will.

Even still, it makes me wonder what it would be like to date Aidan St. Claire? Which is a dumb question because I already know the answer. It would be hard. I’d never know where I stood. I’d always have to take the lead. He’d never be able to express how he feels, not until I’d used my special gift/toxic trait on him. And then he’d break my heart and marry the next woman he meets.

I know myself. I always think, This time it’ll be different. This time I’ll finally hear someone tell me he loves me. This time I’ll get all the things I want from a relationship. I’m the definition of insanity—doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well, not anymore.

I want someone open and willing to tell me things. Not someone I have to pry information out of.

I think sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot. Clearly, I am.

could use a little soul searching by way of punching.

“You want some advice?” “Sure.” “Stop trying to fix things.”

maybe sometimes things don’t need to be fixed, or they aren’t fixable.”

Relationships are hard, but when you’re with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, they can be draining. Like the suck-the-life-out-of-you kind of draining.

The truth is, when people want to talk to you, they will. So I’m going to try harder to let that happen naturally instead of taking over asking questions like I always do.

He opens the door for me, which feels weird but also kind of nice. It’s been a long time since someone did that for me. I suppose it’s probably one of those outdated traditions for most people.

When did the bar fall so low?

“You may not be together, but you’re still good for him.”

I want someone who’s open and wants to tell me he has feelings for me. And not someone I have to pry every word out of. I’m so sick of that.”

next time I give myself to someone, I want to know that we’re headed for love—real love, whatever that is. I know how a relationship with someone like Aidan ends. And I wonder, especially in this case, if I’d be able to come back from a broken heart this time. Like a breakup with Aidan would be the thing that actually breaks me.

“She returned something to me that I’d lost a month ago, and I think I fell for her then.”

Being an adult is highly overrated. The little girl in that picture had no idea what was coming for her.

Despite all I’ve done to protect myself, my heart might break again.

When someone emotionally unavailable opens up to you, listen with your whole heart. It’s a big deal.

I guess at the age of thirty, I’m still learning things about myself. Big things.

“maybe that’s the kind of men you attract because it’s something you recognize in yourself.”

Finding out they were wrong is a difficult position to be in for someone who isn’t in touch with their emotions. Be gentle.

you hang on, someone who’s emotionally unavailable may start to come around. But remember: real change happens from within.