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“I’m no Felix Walters, but I’d have sex with you.”
“Oh my gosh,” she says. “You’re the girl from that video. Now the two of you together makes sense. No offense, but you’re not really his type.”
Jawdropped
“I know I’m your soulmate, but that boy is totally into you and that makes me the third wheel. And I really can’t. I still have to write a paper for my Nineteenth Century Music Theory class.”
The man hooks up with every other chick on campus like it’s no big deal but won’t even press his lips to mine to save face? How depressing.
“Felix may have plucked you out of your boring, dull life to feed his ego for a while, but sooner or later, he’s going to get tired of being with someone so…forgettable. And when that happens, you’ll go back to being no one.” I don’t want her words to hit me so deeply, but they do. I’m frozen in place.
“Well, I wanted to celebrate by gawking at you wearing my jersey all night.” A hint of something like embarrassment flashes across her face. “You look gorgeous,” I reassure her. “Just, you know, even more gorgeous when people know you’re mine.”
“Then do them. I know what this is between us.” I know that this is all temporary. Pretending to be together and his feelings for me. Will I be sad when both are over? Absolutely, but it’s not enough to stop me. He chuckles softly. “That’s good because I sure as hell don’t anymore.”
Dance was my first love. But somewhere along the way, things changed. I found I liked being outside. I liked the solitude and quiet atmosphere on the course. And I loved the challenge. It didn’t come as naturally to me as dancing, and I had to work really hard to improve. I still remember the first time I shot a lower score than my dad. I remember the smile on his face and the exhilaration I felt from years of consistent practice finally paying off.
She laughs. “Luck is just hard work with a sprinkle of good karma.” “I thought it was preparation meeting opportunity?”
He is straight-up obsessed with you, and I am so here for it.”
“He’s looking at you like a man obsessed.”
“Everything is fine. Don’t worry. She just got a little weak in the knees at the sight of me. Isn’t that sweet?”
“I got some news today. Eddie liked the pants. And he wants to fly me out and meet with the wardrobe people for the tour.”
“I’ve heard some of the things that man says to you. He thinks you’re amazing and he gets off on letting you know it.” My face heats. “That’s just Felix. He knows how to make people feel good. I think that’s why he’s such a good quarterback. He sees people, knows their strengths, and wants to help them be their best.”
Saturday nights hanging at home, watching old movies, drinking wine, eating junk food, and trying on dresses used to be a regular occurrence. I’ve missed it. And from the looks on my friends’ faces, I think they have too.
“I can’t even begin to tell you how jealous I am of all of you,” Jane says. “Maybe I should take some sexy photos of myself and spam my contact list.”
“Why not? I need someone to come rip off my dress and kiss the crap out of me. I’m the only one in this house not getting kissed. It’s a real disappointment.”
Warmth spreads through me. I’m falling for him. I know I am and that it’s going to hurt something awful when it’s over, but at least I’m sacrificing my heart for some amazing experiences.
“Look, I know what we are, or what we’re not, but I trust you. I like making out with you. You’re good at everything and I don’t want my first time to be some awkward hookup with a guy that’s crappy in bed. You might not be the guy for me, but you’re an amazing guy, and that means something.”
“I don’t think any of that would have mattered. Enough time around you and I would have felt it.” “Felt what?” “This.” He motions between us. “We’re the same. Different, but the same.”
Today’s our last official day together. Neither of us has mentioned it, but I know it’s on her mind.
“You changed my life.” I start to protest, but she continues, “It wasn’t just the parties or everyone thinking I was your girlfriend. You changed me. People see me differently, but more importantly, I see me differently.” “You were always amazing. I didn’t do that.” “Well, now I believe it.”
“First off, you two were never friends. You wanted to sleep with her, and she was a scared rabbit.”
“It’s not going to be like before. Maybe if you’d kept your hands to yourself, but not now that you’ve been hooking up.” He grins. “I know you are. Daisy told me. And I get it. You’ve always had a thing for her and pretending to be a couple while having real feelings for her can’t be easy. I can see how things could get out of hand.”
“You like her, she likes you…” He trails off then adds, “Is my point really not obvious?” “It’s not like that. I’m not looking for anything serious and neither is she. She wanted a different life. She wanted people to see her, and they do.” I wave toward her. Head held high, smiling. She’s changed. I’m not taking any credit for that. She just needed to put herself out there a little more, gain a little confidence. “She’ll have no problem finding someone new.” Someone that wants to be the type of guy I can’t be right now.
“Oh, I know she won’t. I’ll bet there are fifty guys here tonight just waiting for you to screw up so they can swoop in.” I grind down on my back molars, and Jordan laughs. “It’s never going to be like it was before. Might want to think hard about that before you set her free. All I’m saying.”
“Oh my gosh.” She cries out. “You’re so good at…everything.”
I’d be lying if I said that some primal part of me loves that she’s never done this with anyone else. I want to watch her experience all her firsts, but I’m not enough of a prick to take all of them from her knowing what we’re doing might end tonight. This will have to be enough.
“The last month and some change were a blast. You were the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had.” My chest aches as I think about the truth of those words. She wasn’t just the best fake girlfriend, she was the best girl I’ve hung out with, period. She smiles. “You were the best fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
“Do not respond.” Jane covers the screen with her hand. “Forget about Felix for a night and let’s meet some new, cute guys.”
A pretty blush climbs up her face. Fuck, I hate every second of this. I think I’m having a heart attack. My chest is tight and blood pounds in my ears. Twenty-two seems young for a heart attack, but I’m not a doctor.
love this for him
“It was bound to be awkward the first few times we ran into each other, right? We’ll figure out how to be friends again.” This time, her smile is genuine. She really believes that. And fuck me, I finally realize the problem. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were. Not if that means we dance around each other and barely talk. If this is what it means to be friends, then I don’t want to be her friend. I never wanted to be her friend.
“I’ve never really told anyone this, but Bethany cheated on me. Lots of times, in fact. It was her thing. I wouldn’t pay enough attention to her, and she’d get back at me by kissing someone else or disappearing with some other guy at a party to make me jealous. It worked too, at least enough times that it became the cycle of our relationship. It’s why she’s still doing it because it worked in the past.”
“After that, I thought that I couldn’t be a guy that made someone else a priority while still working toward my dreams, but with you, I feel like anything is possible. You never make me feel like I have to choose.”
“I can’t help but worry that he hasn’t really thought this through. He said he wants it to be like before, but before, we were pretending. I don’t know. What if it’s not the same? I don’t know how to be a girlfriend, not a real one. Too many things are happening at once. My mind is literally spinning. Tell me what to do?” She laughs a little at my rambling. “I can’t, babe. This is way beyond my expertise. But for what it’s worth, you would be a great girlfriend if that’s what you decide.”
I understand him better now that I know more about what went down with Bethany, and I see how that made him hesitant to get into another relationship, but even putting that aside, I still have this worry that he’s confusing his desire to keep having sex with me to wanting me to be his girlfriend. If I hadn’t been a virgin, would he still be so insistent that he doesn’t want casual?
I told her that I’d give her time to think. I can do that and, in the meantime, I’m going to stop moping around and figure out how to lead my team to a win tomorrow night. Seeing Bethany reminded me of all the lies I’ve told myself since we broke up—that I wasn’t anything more than a great football player and that I could never be the kind of guy a girl deserved because of it. I can be a great football player and a great boyfriend. I know I can, but now it’s time to prove it to myself.
“You are a vile human. I might not look as good with him, but I know that what he needs isn’t someone who talks shit behind his back and sleeps with his teammates for attention. You don’t care about him. I don’t even think you ever took the time to get to know him. You couldn’t have and said the awful things you did. Felix is kind and funny. He’s considerate and dedicated and loyal. And he’s the best hype man. I feel sorry for you that all you saw was a hot, successful guy to stand next to, because he’s so much more than that.” The table is silent. Bethany looks pissed, but she doesn’t say
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