He Who Fights With Monsters 8 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #8)

by Shirtaloon

“They’re not actually magi…” Farrah started before trailing off. “Why am I trying to explain Knight Rider? I spent too long with Jason and his sister.”

The only way that could happen would be if, during your time away, you mysteriously gained an intrinsic insight into the underpinnings of physical reality and how it interacts with dimension forces on a cosmic scale at a profoundly fundamental level. Which would be absurd, even for you.”

“How rich?” “This one time, I killed and looted Dawn.” “WHAT?”

“You do realise whose familiar I am, don’t you? I am older than some of this world’s gods and my knowledge base now includes a comprehensive understanding of the canonicity of various entries to the Knight Rider franchise.” “I don’t know what that means.” “I am not largely an advocate for ignorance,” Shade said, “but in this instance, I offer with all goodwill my hope that you retain yours in perpetuity.”

It had allowed him to endure centuries of waiting for the Reaper trials to start and the first thirty-seven minutes of Zardoz.

It feels like the temple to a god of being a controlling asshole.”

“Of course he is,” Gary said. “He’ll come out, say something smug and have some ridiculous new soul power. That’s what always happens. I tried mourning him once—total waste of time. Turns out he just went off to visit his mum.”

“A few times, since you met him,” Farrah told him. “It never sticks. He comes back from the dead so much, he brought me with him one time for laughs.” “I see,” Carlos said. “Actually, I don’t, but imagine I’ll catch up.”

“But he probably got some absurd new ability from all this, didn't he?” Neil asked. “It would appear so,” Shade said. “See?” Gary asked Taika. “What did I say?”

“She gave you an object of great power and you used it to do something absurd, Mr Asano. If she failed to anticipate that by this stage, the shortcoming is hers.” “That’s certainly true, but what I asked is if she’ll be cranky.” “Yes, Mr Asano. I do believe she will.”

“Good to know. By the way, I have an astral throne and an astral gate now.” Jason stepped out of his spirit domain. “WHAT?”

“These rules don’t make sense. Why can I only use my axe one time? That’s not how axes work.” “You can use it again after you take a long rest.” “How heavy is this axe?” “It’s probably a magic axe. It might need to recharge.” “That is terrible axe design.”

“I thought diamond-rankers were meant to be above petty vengeance over the past.”

“They are,” Liara said. “Because they get all their petty vengeance out of the way early.” She smiled as Jason laughed again.

“There are a few things we should talk about. Oh, and you’ve almost certainly stopped aging.” “Wait, what? You’re saying I’m never going to die?” “Of course you’re going to die. Probably a lot; you can’t seem to help yourself. Just not from old age.”

“I was right: I regret asking. I think I need to get you out of this place. It’s like you’re trying to recreate Alice in Wonderland, but with tragic eighties references.”

“It’s like you’re trying make Team Knight Rider as written by Lewis Carroll.” “That’s just low.”