He Who Fights With Monsters 8 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #8)

by Shirtaloon

“Why would they come out?” she asked. “Umbral rakells are smart, cunning and thrive in the shadows. What makes you expect them to come out and fight?” “Because there are worse things in the dark than monsters,” Neil said ominously. “You have no idea of the horrors taking place in there, even as we speak. Just thinking about it gives me the chills. At this very moment, those poor monsters are probably hearing a story about a flying carriage with spinning blades that is also somehow a wolf-shaped air elemental. It makes no sense.”

Gellers were known for assembling powerful groups around them, but Team Biscuit was building a reputation for being a cluster of oddities. Only Geller himself seemed normal. There was a pair of thieves, the sarcastic and muscular healer and the magic researcher known for detesting the Magic Society.

“I had the books from Knowledge, and Dawn gave me a lot of instruction.” Clive turned from the walls to stare at Jason. “You had the Goddess of Knowledge give you a bunch of books containing astral magic that came from the Builder and were personally instructed in it by one of the most important servants of the World-Phoenix.”

“How could you possibly just know that? The only way that could happen would be if, during your time away, you mysteriously gained an intrinsic insight into the underpinnings of physical reality and how it interacts with dimension forces on a cosmic scale at a profoundly fundamental level. Which would be absurd, even for you.” Jason awkwardly shrugged as he scratched his neck and gave Clive an embarrassed smile. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” “Okay,” Jason said, holding his hands up. “So, I found this magic door…”

Jason, do you remember the day we met, walking across the desert after escaping that sacrifice chamber?” “You mean the day I was sucked into another universe, found out magic is real, almost got sacrificed by a cult, killed a bunch of people, found a cannibal kitchen and got magic powers? It rings a bell.”

Did I mention I'm super-rich?” “How rich?” “This one time, I killed and looted Dawn.” “WHAT?”

“Then please allow me to convey my condolences on the passing of your grandfather. He was a man who knew how to find simple satisfaction in a world full of people ever hungry and never satisfied. I admired him a great deal.”

“As team leader,” Humphrey said, “I'm going to have to overrule you, Belinda. If it's cake sandwiches, you absolutely must prioritise them over stopping Neil from getting stabbed. He has to take some responsibility for himself.” “You all realise that a lot of teams are looking for a good healer, right?” Neil asked. “Why don't you ever talk about Clive getting stabbed?” “Who would stab Clive?” Sophie asked through team chat. “Everyone loves Clive.” “Yeah.” “Agreed.” “Definitely.” “Except his wife.” “Dammit, Jason!”

“It’s an army of idiots who swap their arms out for logs or whatever to serve some interdimensional idiot in a feud with Jason,” Neil said. “No one accused them of being sane.”

While not above a bit of backstabbing, they all understood that the true enemy was an unclean world.

“Maybe he finds us intimidating.” “Yeah, I bet spooky blood-robe guy finds us terrifying.”

“I don’t know what that means.” “I am not largely an advocate for ignorance,” Shade said, “but in this instance, I offer with all goodwill my hope that you retain yours in perpetuity.”

You know what I am and what I’ve done, so I will give you a moment to think very carefully before deciding if you’re going to leave this room or die in it.”

“You probably have a lot of life experience, don’t you?” she said. “How old are you?” “I don’t know. Until civilisations started measuring time, it never occurred to me to keep track.”

I recognise that attempting to shame a famously shameless man may be an exercise in futility, but I endeavour, nonetheless.”

You're the latest in a line of powerful people trying to tell Jason what to do. Not only does that inherently rankle him, but if he’s standing up to gods and great astral beings, he’s hardly going to let you push him around.”

“He said he was tired of powerful people telling him what to do. I thought he meant gold-rankers.” “No, Cal. When he looks at gold-rankers, he’s not looking up. If you came to him and told him to put aside his values and concerns to do what you tell him, you should count yourself lucky he didn’t let you into his cloud house. You might not have come back out.”

“I always make good choices.” “Of course you do. Now, let’s go back to figuring out how to use the random stuff you picked up from great astral beings with questionable motives and immediately shoved into your soul.”

Under the uncertain assumption that he could signal for help, Baseph would continue to try and help his people. It was his responsibility to protect the facility personnel from the white-clad killers roaming the tunnels, as best he could. His best wasn’t great—he had no illusions about that—but he would do what he could.

“I’ll do my best, Lord Amouz. And my best is pretty bloody good.”

“I’d love a look in those vessels the Order of Redeeming Light use,” Clive said, eyeing off the vehicles. “So would every artificer in this room,” Humphrey said. “Priorities.” “I’ll see if I can steal you one,” Belinda said. “No, you won’t,” Humphrey told her firmly. “Oh, yeah, absolutely not,” she said unconvincingly, nodding at Clive behind Humphrey’s back.

“Builder, Purity,” Clive muttered bitterly. “They keep doing these things to people. When do we go back to fighting monsters?” “We are fighting monsters,” Neil told him. “And we’re going to kill them all.”

“Why are you telling me all of this? Any of this?” “Because you are in a fragile mental state and I am attempting to distract you. According to your wife, you are a curious person who enjoys learning new things, whether they are in your field of expertise or otherwise.” “She told you that?” “She and I spent an amount of time together over the last few days. I am a very good listener, although I do not believe that I excel at comforting others.” “That,” Baseph said, “is an accurate assessment.”

“Is that a superior miracle potion?” the healer asked, looking on in awe. “Greater,” Amos corrected. “Greater?” the team member being healed exclaimed. “Do you know what that’s worth?” Amos glanced at the man, his square brick of a face etched with disdain before turning back to the unconscious man. “Not as much as this,” he said and shoved the unconscious man’s mouth open with his fingers before pouring in the vial and then clamping the mouth shut with his hand.

“Good idea on dropping the dark reaper of blood look,” Neil told him. “Everyone keep it light with the civilians. If we act like the situation is no great crisis, they won’t believe it, but they’ll be at least a little reassured.” “Have you been taking lessons on mental health from Arabelle?” Jason asked him. “No, of course not,” Neil said. “Why would I, a healer, take the time to learn about an aspect of healing from a gold-rank healer from my own church—of the Healer—with incredible expertise in her field. Of healing.”

“Lady,” Sophie yelled, “you better open this door or my foot is going to shape-shift your ass!”

“Do you think Jason’s going to be alright?” Travis asked. “Of course he is,” Gary said. “He’ll come out, say something smug and have some ridiculous new soul power. That’s what always happens. I tried mourning him once—total waste of time. Turns out he just went off to visit his mum.” “Actually, they don’t get on,” Taika said.

“You’re Mr Remore’s dead team member,” Carlos said to Farrah. “No,” she said. “I’m Mr Remore’s team member that died. There’s a small but crucial difference.”

“The attempt was never intended to succeed, Ancestral Majesty. Asano seems to have injected himself with power beyond his ability to endure, then attempted a task beyond his ability to accomplish, burning that power off in the failed attempt.” “But how was he even able to make that attempt? Isn’t the founding of temples the domain of gods?” “Yes,” the Archbishop said. “Yes, it is.” “I can see why Dominion is so interested in him.”

“And Jason thinks he’s oblivious to consequences,” she muttered, then turned her gaze back up at her former teammate. “You’re bringing trouble to the person in my care, Callum.” Her voice was gentle, but his face paled. He turned around and went back down the stairs.

“…and that, Clive, is how I got you one of their submersibles,” Belinda finished. Clive looked out from one of the balconies of the looming temple to scan the lagoon. “Where is it, then?” “I stashed it, obviously. I don’t want the Adventure Society saying it’s theirs, just because I was on a contract. I stole it fair and square.”

Everyone pulled themselves up a little straighter in the presence of the diamond-ranker except Farrah and Humphrey. Farrah had spent months travelling with Jason and Dawn, while Humphrey had been standing straight in the first place.

“Bro, if you’re waiting for things to calm down before eating good food, you’re in the wrong social circle.”

“What in the sweet teats of the lizard goddess was that about?”

“I'll examine you as we explain,” Arabelle said. “Carlos, would you lift him up to rest atop the cloud bed instead of inside it?” “Now, hold on,” Jason said. “I'm in the nicky-noo. You lift me on top of the bed and the fruit bowl will be on full display.” Nestled in the cloud bed like a bubble bath, the only thing Jason wore was his necklace with his magic amulet and the cloud flask attached to it. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Arabelle said. “Who do you think got rid of what was left of your clothes?” “Humphrey?” Jason suggested with optimism he didn’t feel. Carlos snorted a laugh as he plunged his arms into the cloud bed and under Jason, gently raising him up.

“It is time for you to go, Priest Quilido,” Shade told him. “I need to help him,” Carlos said, pointing at Jason on the floor. “You’ve helped enough,” Shade said. “You took a man who has already paid the price for giving more than he had and you told him to give even more. Mr Asano has been working with Madam Remore to recover from living up to the responsibilities he took on when no one else would. It is unbecoming of a clergyman of the Healer to undo her work.”

“I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my way.” “A fear that you and Jason Asano share. Perhaps, if you can put aside your feelings about the messengers, you can help each other find the paths you need to take.” Carlos looked around at the church service room, empty other than himself. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“I think I need to talk with Dawn,” Jason said. “Do you think she’ll be cranky that I ate the magic bridge?” “She gave you an object of great power and you used it to do something absurd, Mr Asano. If she failed to anticipate that by this stage, the shortcoming is hers.” “That’s certainly true, but what I asked is if she’ll be cranky.” “Yes, Mr Asano. I do believe she will.”

“Pain’s been a companion longer than you have, Neil. I like you more.” “Oh, you find me to be a better companion than excruciating pain. That’s very gratifying.” “Oh, definitely,” Jason said. “You’re in the top twenty for sure.” “I’m in the top twenty companions in a six-person team?” “Thirteen-person team, when you count familiars, then there’s Rufus and his team, Alejandro Albericci—” “Who?” “The guy who put my new wardrobe together.” “The tailor counts as a companion?” “I wear his work everywhere. Then there’s Clive’s wife.” “Clive’s wife is imaginary!” “Yeah,” Jason said, shaking his head sadly. “Poor bloke. But that’s why she’s barely above you.”

Shade stood in silence for a long time before finally speaking. “You do not have to pay me back for any gratitude you feel, Mr Asano. Friends do not count favours.”

“Okay,” he said. “So, I step out and wait for some Builder lackey to turn up and repo this thing?” “Essentially, yes.” “And we can’t discuss anything delicate outside of the spirit domain?” “That’s right.” “Good to know. By the way, I have an astral throne and an astral gate now.” Jason stepped out of his spirit domain. “WHAT?”

Jason turned to Dawn and clasped her in a hug. She was startled; it was such a simple gesture, but she hadn’t felt such simple, physical reassurance since long before Jason was born. “You have a lot of magic, don’t you?” he asked her. “You’re very tingly.” Dawn’s laughter was like the tinkling of water through a creek, beautiful and refreshing.

“The things that make you useful also make you trouble.” “I think you just titled my memoir.” “Or your epitaph.” “It’s a good line, either way.

“Well,” Jason said. “This has been fun. Want to do some day drinking?”

“It’s fine,” Jason assured them. “It’s not like any of us could stand up to any of the people who showed up today in a fight.” “But we can stand beside you,” Humphrey said. “Beside and slightly back,” Neil clarified. “There’s no point in all of us getting blown up by a lightning bolt from some god.”

“I won’t claim to understand all this high-end magic,” Gary mumbled around a mouthful of bacon. “Give me a magic hammer and some magic iron and that’s where my interest starts and ends. But maybe wait until you’ve recovered from the last time you wrecked yourself channelling weird super-magic before doing it again.” “That sounds like good advice, bro.” “I’ll take it under consideration.”

“Some secrets I have to keep. I think that maybe your gods can help you with the right approach, so… pray on it? I’m not sure how that really works. Gods normally come to me for a chat, so I’m not super familiar with… Carlos, are you okay?”

“Okay, a few points. One, there was only one god, and he wasn’t invited. You know what gods are like.” “No, Jason. I do not know what gods are like.”