I Choose Darkness

by Jenny Lawson

“Mrs. E.T.,” she said finally, and I high-fived her as we set back feminism several years from the specialty aisle of the Piggly Wiggly.

Lisa wears the witch costume because, while pleasing God is important, he’s not paying the bills, y’all.

This was the night I discovered that bored parents can be dangerous and that it is very hard to wash urine out of tennis shoes.

Originally people used to carve turnips at Halloween instead of pumpkins