I Choose Darkness

by Jenny Lawson

I am one of the small group of people who go to Halloween stores not for temporary plastic decorations but for actual interior design ideas.

Looking back now, it seems strange that I spent so much of my childhood on alert for roving satanists and unmarked quicksand, neither of which ended up being nearly as much of a problem in my real life as I had been led to believe. This was a gentle and naive time before the internet, when all our information came from urban legends and terrifying local news reports.

Angsty teen me threw away a lot of stuff that I wish I’d been a little more careful with, including rationality, perspective, and my virginity.