I Choose Darkness

by Jenny Lawson

This is month 1,792 of living in a pandemic (I may have lost count), and sometimes you need all the twinkling lights and Star Wars ornaments you can get in your life.

Me: Just finish Netflix. All of it. I think I’m close. My editor: You can’t finish Netflix. Me: Well, that sounds like a challenge. Also, clearly you haven’t had the same pandemic I have.

but recently I read that peeing yourself is actually a good thing to do when you’re being kidnapped because kidnappers are grossed out by pee, I guess?

Angsty teen me threw away a lot of stuff that I wish I’d been a little more careful with, including rationality, perspective, and my virginity.