I Choose Darkness

by Jenny Lawson

Age 2—ghost. Made from patterned sheets tied with yarn around my neck because choking hazards didn’t yet exist.

Lisa wears the witch costume because, while pleasing God is important, he’s not paying the bills, y’all.

My parents may have been poor, but they were inventive and wanted us to experience the same things as normal kids, but in a safer way; so my mom had my sister and me run laps around our house in the dark and knock on the door, and then my mom would pretend to be different people every time as she dropped caramels and cooking chocolate into our bags. Honestly getting the exact same candy each time was a bit meh, but she switched it up by offering us bites of mashed potatoes or other leftovers from dinner and sometimes pretending not to be home at all, which I thought was very creative at the time but, now that I think about it, may have just been when she was mixing herself a drink and needed a minute of quiet.