I Choose Darkness

by Jenny Lawson

I fucking shine on Halloween. It is my favorite day of the year, and my house is filled with spooky, dark decorations year-round.

Same. Duh.

I am one of the small group of people who go to Halloween stores not for temporary plastic decorations but for actual interior design ideas.

of course, people don't do this?

recently I read that peeing yourself is actually a good thing to do when you’re being kidnapped because kidnappers are grossed out by pee, I guess?

Totally true.