I immediately peed myself, which was not planned but recently I read that peeing yourself is actually a good thing to do when you’re being kidnapped because kidnappers are grossed out by pee, I guess? Clearly, I was ahead of my time. A second later, still mid-pee, I realized it was my father in clown makeup, wearing my discarded pom-pom on his head like a fright wig and laughing hysterically. This was the night I discovered that bored parents can be dangerous and that it is very hard to wash urine out of tennis shoes.
