Nanny for the Neighbors

by Lily Gold

Jack Insley is even more stunning than I remember. High cheekbones, square jaw, and electric-blue eyes shining at me from behind a pair of dark-rimmed glasses. His blonde hair is spiky from him running his fingers through it, and he’s wearing a pair of Converse with Pacman printed on the side. The whole effect is very geek chic.

No one says anything. I look up. All three men are staring at me, their eyes wide. I blink. “What?” “She’s a witch,” Cyrus says faintly. “What the hell. She’s been crying for about six hours straight. Are you saying all we had to do is pick her up?”

“I don’t fancy her,” I protest. “Say her name without blushing.” I open my mouth, then snap it shut again.

“She’s already lost everything, and she’s a goddamn infant. We have to try to look after her. She deserves someone who will.”

“I didn’t know you delivered here.” “I deliver everywhere. I’m well known for my packages.”

Jack’s hand shoots out and wraps around my wrist, keeping me in place. “I have a crush on you,” he blurts out.

I hate that I’m not strong enough to just be myself. I hate that I’m such a people-pleaser that I’ll change my whole personality just to be liked; but for the life of me, I don’t know how to stop it. It just happens.”

dressing like an extra off The Big Bang Theory isn’t exactly doing you any favours. Buy a tailored suit and I’ll think about it.”

“He’s reading her a story,” he says, looking amused. “Seriously?” “Well. It’s a chapter from a textbook about international copyright law. I’ve told him he has to at least do funny voices to keep her interested, but he refuses.”

“How was this your advice? You only told me to sleep with Jack.” “Yes. Ergo, I can take credit for any sexual activities with Jack-plus-others. Wow. I am such a good friend.”

“You know how small you are, right?” he grits out. “You’re like a troll doll.”

I float awake to the sound of voices. “Quick,” someone hisses. “Oh my God, they’re so cute. Get a picture.” “Don’t,” Seb’s voice warns. “But it’s your first ever cuddle, mate! We need to memorialise it!”

There’s nothing like sleeping with a stripper to boost your confidence.

“Holy shit, Seb,” she mumbles. “You’re a freaking nuclear weapon.” It was just as good for her, then. Thank God. I nuzzle into her soft curls, breathing in her sweet apple scent. “My dick causes widespread death and destruction?” “It belongs in a fucking containment facility. Made of concrete. Buried fifty feet underground. Somewhere near the Earth’s core, where no poor, innocent girl will accidentally stumble across it and get fucked to pieces.” She twitches as an aftershock runs through her. “I think I’m dead. My vagina exploded.”

“What were you expecting?” I wrap a curl around my finger, tugging it and watching it spring back into place. “Silent missionary sex where you counted your thrusts and thought about the upcoming tax season to get yourself off.”

Seriously. I thought sleeping with two men was sensational. Three is… otherworldly. Absolute, utter perfection.

“You don’t want me?” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my bare back. “Yeah,” I blurt out, “but it’ll be like having a can of Monster shoved up my butt.”