Chlorine

by Jade Song

He gave me my first experience in attempting to prove myself to a man, with no avail.

While I empathize with Nüwa’s loneliness, and thank her for her contributions to my birth, I disdain her desire for human company—there are many other beings whose camaraderie provides far greater enjoyment than humans’.

On the day of my first period, I was more dead doe than human woman. Was womanhood always so violent, raw?

I may have initiated with her out of desperation, but we became close friends after the meet because it was impossible to stick a hand up a bloody vagina and not fall in love with its owner.

I guess hearts are slippery because they’re covered in blood. I wish I could bleed mine dry. Then I’d miss you less.

How was I supposed to differentiate between the pain due to the concussion and the pain due to the agony of everyday human life?

I wasn’t attracted to Brad. It was more the attraction I’d have toward a cup of raw broccoli if I was starving.

My heart screamed in capital letters.

I’m so sorry. How many sorrys can I say before you come back to me?

Ren, when you told me about your plan at the shaving party, I didn’t expect something so visceral.

Betrayal comes too easily to humans.

Their hug hurt my sensitive scales. They were both heavier than I remembered, as if their sadness had materialized into solid weights onto their shoulders, but it is true that what humans call intergenerational trauma has always been heavy, sinking to the gloomy abyss of repressed memory to be mined for so-called wisdom later.

Such was the reversal effect of sympathy, requiring the damaged to soothe the spectator.

Neither her expression nor her posture changed with my question, but I recognized she heard me by the way her cheeks blushed. “You know why,” she whispered.

Perhaps her promise would be kept. She had helped me this far, after all. If not, I resolved to not hesitate in unleashing my mermaid powers against her.