Chlorine

by Jade Song

Her curls were fiery, her eyes like deep springs of water, as she hovered, surrounded by winter skies. Worrying about me looked so good on her.

Cathy and I never had such an interaction in real life. Our pleasure existed in my imagination. I’m sure if I’d tried, she would’ve let me. But I admit I was too scared. It’s embarrassing to look back on my silly human girl fears and recall the many opportunities I let pass by.

I rested my head against Brad’s shoulder. His nose snuggled against the top of my head. “Do you like me?” he asked. I shrugged. “Does it matter?”

The more desperate he was, the more desired I felt.

I planned to land like a cross onto your bed where your body indent rested—back then, hell, even now, I would have been willing to die by crucifixion if you controlled the nail and hammer.

I craved those two water-snake-girlfriends’ adventures. All day long, they splashed and swam outdoors together; they were wanton, witchlike girls, liking eccentric and forbidden ways, relinquished of their stupid earthly conflicts. I pleaded for a partnership like theirs.

You were so heavy. Sometimes when I’m sitting down, I feel a heavy weight on my thighs, and I look down, expecting to see your head, but there’s nothing, just my skin, and all the muscle and bone and fat it hides—you’ve become my phantom limb.

I had adjusted to a life with her consistent presence, and to spend so many hours lying immobile without her was a malicious act against my nature.

And like the unspoken implications in our friendship, Cathy and I had always carried our connotations differently.

The morning of the scheduled tail demolishment surgery, I awakened to the nurse entering my room to rip open the window and its curtains. Late afternoon sunlight and fresh air washed over my face and smacked me awake.

Chat is it morning or late afternoon

Moving my bottom half no longer caused me any pain,

Not geting me to believe that

Our choices showed who and what we loved. I had chosen water, mermaid. Cathy had chosen me.