Starter Villain

by John Scalzi

“Thank you,” I said, to my cat. “As always, your approval is the most important thing.”

“So not no, but probably no, and it’ll take a week to say it.”

No arguments over food. A good sign.

“That’s the toxoplasmosis talking.”

“You’re fine. Two cats are nowhere near crazy cat-person level.”

You’re not wrong, brain, I thought.

“Shut up, brain,” I said out loud.

A second later a cat paw booped my nose, as if to say, Hush, silly human. “Okay,” I murmured, and then fell asleep, my cats purring beside me.

“There’s a problem with a war ending?” I asked. “There is when you’re equipping a war machine, selling the weapons, and financing the whole affair,”

“Being in a room full of people who are simultaneously billionaires and out of cash is a wild thing.”

“Oh, you sad little man,”

“He’s been told to suck it up for so long he entirely forgot to get out of ‘fuck you’ mode.”