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Miss Fucking Independent would probably rather sleep on the streets than ask me for help.
I wanted to feel like I didn’t have to sleep with a gun under my pillow. I wanted to feel safe walking the streets again or having a drink with a man I found attractive.
I wouldn’t feel whole until I’d proved to myself I was the woman I’d always thought I was. Strong. Powerful. An independent, take-no-shit sorta girl. It was my whole damn identity, and without it, I was lost.
He’d taken a full-on beating for me. It had been completely unnecessary, but the Saint View thug in me found it kinda romantic. I didn’t care for flowers and chocolates. Clearly, all you needed to turn my head was blood and violence. I was sure that said something about my mental state, but I couldn’t afford a therapist anyway.
“Fine. Let’s go ruh…ruhhhh… Kian, I can’t even say the word at this time of the morning. It’s dirty.”
The cold morning air hit me in the face, and I turned back around. “Nope. It’s freezing. There’s a reason bears hibernate in winter. I now identify as a bear. Bye.”
“Your pep is inciting violence. I just had a flash of me pushing you off the Saint View bluffs, and it brought me great joy, even though you were shouting motivations at me the entire way down.”