Feeling Forever (Tasting Madness, #3)

by Albany Walker

“I’m not gaslighting anyone. I’m merely trying to—” “Bullshit,” Bates interrupts Dr. Tobin. “You’re trying to appease her mom and make us all question Waylynn and her motives for not telling us, including making her doubt herself. There aren’t any rules about this or when people have to spill their trauma to anyone, and the fact that her mother is using it against her, and you seem to be on her side, is pretty fucked up.”

Surprisingly, Memphis looks calm. I figured he’d rather chew off his own arm than release Waylynn. He takes a second to meet my and Oswald’s eyes, and there’s an unspoken understanding between the three of us—we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she’s not taken away from us.

Her mom makes a point of looking at each one of us. She saves me for last, which makes me think I’m the one she assumes is the biggest threat, especially when her eyes linger on me the longest. It proves she’s smart, because I kept my mouth shut most of the time she was here. Bates was the one who called her out on her bullshit for the most part, but I’m happy he did.

Everything was okay until we moved into the house in Laguna. About a week later, a new voice came.” “A new voice… Was it always the same voice before?” Bates catches on quickly. “No, but there were three that were always there.” I lick my lips, not ready to tell them that their voices are the ones I grew up hearing. “The new voice was… mean. It said things that scared me, and I would run to my parents’ room.”

“Waylynn, you haven’t said shit that frightened me away. I’ll admit to being a little surprised. It’s not every day you find out there’s proof you have a soulmate, but, baby, you’re still the same girl from yesterday, and I still want you, all of you—voices or not.”

“We’ve got this, baby,” I promise, because that’s all I can do.

I wish I could tell her I could make it stop or help her forget all the times she’s felt alone or afraid because she’s a little different, but I can’t. I can, however, show her that she’s perfect the way she is.

“Why didn’t you stick around to find out?” “Are you kidding me? I can’t believe she ever even spoke to me. She has to fucking hate me.” “You are so dumb. Full of dollars and no goddamned sense.” Oswald shakes his head.

“She thinks she’s selfish because she didn’t tell us sooner, but you’re the one acting like a spoiled kid.”

“How the fuck could she want to be around me? It’s my fault she had to deal with all that shit.” “It’s all about you then?” he questions in a mocking tone. I grind my teeth. “That’s not what I mean.” “Oh, what do you mean? Enlighten me. Are you saying she’s not smart enough, sane enough, to make her own judgments?” “Of course she is. You’re twisting shit around.” “No, I’m not. I’m trying to get you to pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late,” Oz snaps.

She was afraid to tell us because she thought we wouldn’t want anything to do with her once we found out, and you went and proved her fucking right when she needed you the most. And quit making it all about you. She heard all of us, or were you too caught up in your own head to even hear that part?”

You need to talk to her, but that’s if she wants to talk to you, since I’m pretty sure you broke her fucking heart. If you ever leave her crying again, Memphis, I will kick your ass, and Bates will hold you down so I can do it.”

I need her to know I’ll give her anything she needs and be there for her just like I promised.

“I feel responsible, and that scared me because I can’t see how you can be around me if that’s the case.”

“I knew it was you the moment you said, ‘Do you ever watch where you’re going?’” Waylynn deepens her voice, trying to mimic mine. “It never stopped me from wanting to be around you or from falling in love with you.”

“Thank fuck, because hiding out in your basement and creeping on you when you sleep just so I could be around you might have gotten me arrested.” Waylynn rolls her eyes at me, like I’m joking. I don’t think she understands the depths I would go to just to make sure she’s mine. I hope we don’t ever need to explore them.

I’m not ready to add more shit to everything she’s had to deal with, and questioning how she somehow felt my emotions or heard me crying for my dead mother would do that, especially when she seems to think it’s all in her head. I’m starting to suspect it’s much more than that.

It’s part of our connection, right? She just experiences it differently than we do,” he reasons like it’s not a big deal. “You don’t think that’s odd?” “Odd?” he questions with the twist of his head. “No, it’s just proof we’re supposed to be together, like fate or some shit. I wonder how many people ignore those feelings or chalk it up to basic attraction then move on. Like, what if I was a greedy bastard and didn’t want to share her? Would you have pursued her, knowing I was in love with her and wanted her for myself?” “Fuck, Oz, you’re frying my brain. I just wanted to know if you really felt like she was our soulmate like you said, or if you think she might be psychic or something.”

She told me she chose this school because it felt right, and that she went with her instinct, but her mom said it was because of the medical program, and she didn’t argue, so maybe her parents don’t believe in that kind of stuff.” “God, her mom was something else.” I get pissed just thinking about how she talked about Waylynn.

“I was just going to let her run her mouth. I wasn’t even paying attention to half of what she was saying, but you came in and shut that shit down.” He grins at me. “You couldn’t see Waylynn’s face. She was devastated. I wasn’t going to let her mom destroy her.” “Which is why I’m not a selfish bastard who keeps her all to myself. She needs all of us.”

“Normal is way overrated, Waylynn. There’s nothing wrong with being extraordinary, and you don’t have to thank me for standing up for you. I’ll always be there for you—always.”

I started thinking about how he’s never fucked up and how she’s never had to question his loyalty, and I realized that while I will always love her, I can’t control if she loves me or not, and that threw me into a fucking tailspin of negative thoughts. I told myself I’d be happy with whatever she would give me, but that’s not the truth. Anything less than all of her will never be enough.

love you so, so much, but I love them too.” She grips my wrist while I’m still holding her neck, as if she thinks I might let her go.

“I came for you and the crackers.” I point to the bag in his other hand. “See? I always know what you need,” he jokes, but there’s so much truth to his words. Memphis is my counterweight, the thing that keeps me balanced and sure footed, which is something else I love about him.

Now we’re here, and I still haven’t decided what the fuck I’m going to tell my parents—everyone is just rolling clueless with me.

“Finally come by to see me?” Her hand goes to her hip as she glares at Oz. Oswald charms her with a smile. “Miss me that much already?” Mom clicks her tongue. “Like a boil on my ass,” she retorts, but her wide smile ruins the effect.

“Is he trying to steal her from you?” She’s clearly indignant at the thought. “No, Oz actually met her first… Well, I guess it was Memphis, but Oz talked to her first.” “You all like her? What the hell? Does she have a crosswise cooter?” I snort out a laugh. “I wouldn’t know, Mom.”

watch my mother’s eyes squint, then roam around like she’s thinking. “Her pretty head is probably spinning with you three.” “I think she’s happy. She was lonely before too.” “Well, as long as you boys all know what you’re getting into. I don’t want any of you getting hurt.” “We know what we’re getting into, and we’ve always been unconventional.”

I make sure he sees me right on her ass, so there’s no question who or what I am to her. I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but that was before I had something I was afraid to lose.

“Okay, good luck tomorrow. Do lots of pancakes, but don’t get pancaked.” A smile curves his lips, and he shakes his head slowly before leaning down and planting a soft, lingering kiss on my lips. “I’ll do my best. See you there, baby.

“You gonna leave your girl with that guy? Might not be a good idea,” one of his teammates says loud enough that it’s clear he wants us to hear him. Oswald doesn’t even spare the guy a look when he says, “Yup. My brother takes care of her when I can’t.” “Might be a little too well, if you know what I mean,” the guy chimes in, giving us the side-eye. “Don’t remind me of what I’m going to miss.”

“She’s not going anywhere, man. She thinks you hung the fucking moon. You could tell her up was down and she would swear it was the truth. I’m not worried about her leaving you. I’m worried about you hurting her and breaking that thing inside her that makes her so damn special, because even then, she would stand by you.”

“Peter!” she exclaims. “Are you boys taking advantage of that girl?” “Mom, I’m going to try not to take offense to that statement, and I’ll ask that you hear me out.”

“Yeah, I’m the best. Eat your food before it’s too cold. I’m not heating it up again, and remember, Memphis’ and Oswald’s babies are mine too. I get them all.” I snort, not having any idea where the baby fever came from, but I’m not going to argue with her, not after she just agreed to what I asked.

“I don’t like the way he looks at you.” “It will never matter how he looks at me because he isn’t you.”

I can’t stop thinking about Waylynn locked in a room, betrayed by her parents, and isolated.

A tear leaks out of my eye. Do they not understand how dehumanizing it is to listen to someone talk about you as if you don’t matter? Don’t they know I want to be at home just like them?

“I was taken from my home yesterday, strapped to a bed, and not allowed to use the bathroom or even get a drink of water for hours because I had a disagreement with my mother. I’m very concerned about my evaluation, just as this hospital should be. I have never been a risk, nor was I last night. Your facility is complacent in a wrongful involuntary confinement, and you can bet my lawyers, your patient advocate board, and my doctor will be reviewing every second I’ve been held here.”

“Make sure our google scholar gets some water. All bathroom visits need to be monitored. Let psych deal with her later today.” My throat tightens at his words. He knew I would hear him and wanted me to know he thinks I’m full of crap, but I wasn’t blustering. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and there is one thing I’m certain of—this will never happen to me again. The first call I make will be to my lawyer.

I tell her about the EMT, whom I know she can’t do anything about, then about the nurse and ER doctor. I tell her how their treatment was the opposite of what a person in crisis would need. I also tell her I would be having my lawyer file an official grievance. “What are you studying at school?” She peers at me. “Psychology.” “Good. We need more people like you.

“Are your parents still in town? What’s going to happen now?” I think the real question he wants to ask is if we have to worry about them trying this again. “They won’t be a problem.” I feel completely comfortable telling them that. “I’ll explain everything, but I would really like a shower and maybe a nap, if you guys are willing to wait a few hours.”