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March 11 - March 21, 2024
Insatiable girls settle for living by proxy, for craving and wanting and shoving those wants down where they won’t scare anyone away.
It smells the way I used to feel about magic and history and secrets. Like something more was waiting for me—like if I just went to the right place, just turned the right page, just cracked open my chest a little bit more, I would find a special story meant only for me. A special destiny, a special life.
Like a long-ago version of myself who dreamed and hoped and lusted without restraint.
Why have I been pressing myself into the shape of someone easy, someone composed and guarded and temperate, when I’m none of those things? When I don’t even really want to be? When what I really want is to be as hungry as I can be, as messy as I can be, as much?
Even without the fruit earlier today, I felt the same—like keeping hold of that flimsy, colorless version of myself had become impossible overnight.