The Last Encore (It's Always Been You Book 1)

by Elodie Colliard

The thing about her panic attacks was that they didn’t go away the minute she could breathe again. They lingered in her chest, hovering around her stomach, for days sometimes, leaving her lightheaded and nauseous, like a reminder that they could ignite again at any moment.

True

Loving yourself was a journey, one that had its ups and downs. Every day was a struggle when you were constantly reminded that your body didn’t fit society’s standards. Avery pinched her ass cheek between her fingers. Some days were easier than others. On those ones, she could look at herself in the mirror and think So what if my belly isn’t toned? Or my thighs are full of stretch marks? “They are the map of your body’s history,” her grandma used to say. “Be kind to yourself.”

True

Her love for the rain was unmatched, though for those who didn’t know anything about her, it would probably seem weird. It was so peaceful; the sound of drops hitting the pavement, the leaves, the grass. Everything around her seemed to slow down, to quiet. Even

True

her own mind, used to working at 100 miles per hour, would stand still during a downpour. And who could tell then if her face was wet from rain drops or from tears? The rain was her best coping mechanism, but unfortunately, she could not conjure it on demand. So, when given the opportunity, Avery had always seized it. And there she was, on her front steps, face up towards the thick clouds, smiling gently as the rain drenched her hair, her face and her yellow coat and washed her worries down the drain.

True

“This song has always been with me while I’ve lived in Europe, far from my family and my friends, and I would

like to dedicate it to someone who always felt like home during my darkest and loneliest moments. Someone who reminded me of where I come from, no matter where I was, like an anchor to who I am deep inside. I don’t know where in the world she is now, but Avery, this one’s for you.”

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Dan shot her a questioning look, but she didn’t have time to address it because Josh started to play and everything Avery thought she knew no longer made sense. The world around her disappeared as Josh stroked the first piano keys, his fingers flying delicately from one end to the other. It felt like she was in one of those old Hollywood movies, where everything turned dark, except for the soft glow of the spotlight showcasing the pianist. The ambient noise faded away, the camera focused on the artist before slowly shifting to the young woman in the audience, captivated by the music, and the man behind the piano. The melody flew effortlessly from his hands to reach Avery, right in the little organ currently galloping inside her chest. An invisible thread connecting her to his music. There was a lot to unpack in what he had just said. She and Josh hadn’t talked in years. But this song ... oh, she knew this song all too well.

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Josh flashed her a smile before he started to play, and like every time he did, Avery couldn’t take her eyes off him. There was something very intimate in playing music or singing in front of someone else, like you purposely let your guard down and chose to let the other person see who you

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truly were, your flaws and your weaknesses. Every time Josh played, and she had the privilege to listen, she saw his vulnerability shine through his every pore, and everything he wouldn’t say out loud. But tonight especially, emotions caught in her throat as she listened to the most romantic music she’d ever heard. The sweet melody rippled through Avery’s body like little waves crashing against her heart, flooding her entirely with an unexpected feeling. She wondered for a moment if Josh had intentionally played this song for her, but that thought was obliterated when for a brief instant, he looked up and gazed at her a little too long, heavy meaning behind his lashes.

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She let her hand fall in his and Josh led them to the middle of the room. Carefully, he slid his hand down her back, and Avery shivered. Surprise registered in his eyes when his fingers brushed her bare back. The touch was too intimate for someone you’d last seen when you were still a teenager. The body was a beautiful and fascinating thing, able to memorize details and store them away, like it had a mind of its own. As Josh held her close, her body responded to his citrus scent, his familiar touch and his warmth, like a dormant fire brought back to life. But at the same time, it knew something was different, like years apart had altered the memories of him.

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Josh caught up to her easily, grabbed her hand, and Avery could not hold it in any longer. Tears rolled freely down her cheeks, and this time, she wasn’t able to stop them. She didn’t want to. He turned her around and his eyes softened when he saw her crying. Josh tightened his grip around her fingers and drew her back against him, tightening his arms around her shoulders.

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Nestled in the hollow of his neck, Avery inhaled the distinct scent of his golden-brown skin, aware of her own heart pounding against his chest. His hands were drawing small circles on her back, attempting to soothe her but really, all it did was set her on fire. Josh took a big breath.

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When he took her face in his sweaty palms, tears still running down his cheeks, she thought that seeing him like that would have torn her apart and ripped her heart to pieces. The agony in his eyes was excruciating, but all she felt was utter emptiness. She wanted to beg him to stay, to scream at him for even thinking about leaving her, but her mind was blank and her body lifeless. Avery pulled herself out of his touch and slowly stood up, staring into space.

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In one swift motion, Josh stood up and brought Avery with him, closing the distance between them as he crushed his body against hers, every inch of them connecting. She was limp in his arms, completely lost in his scent and his tears that were dampening her hair, even though she felt her body coming alive under his desperate touch. Josh pressed a long kiss to her temple, where a few strands of wet hair were beginning to stick. His lips trembled against her skin. “I will write when I’m ready.” She laughed—she didn’t know if it had been out loud or in her head, but she laughed at the hollowness of his words.

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All of a sudden, it was like they were fifteen again, sitting on this beach, without a care in the world. Josh burying his feet in the sand with Avery’s head on his stomach while they both looked for the constellations they couldn’t see back in the city. They would talk for hours, Josh about his relationship with his dad, the weight of his expectations and his mother’s legacy, his Mexican roots that left him more often than not lost in his identity. They would tell each other stuff they wouldn’t dare say out loud anywhere else, or to anybody else. Avery would open up about her anxiety, her mom’s depression and her father’s absence, while Josh played absently with the waves in her hair. Brooke would join them too sometimes, and they’d spend the night dreaming about their future, laughing so loud at Josh attempting cartwheels their lungs hurt, eating smores and falling asleep in a tangle of sweaty and drowsy bodies to the lulling sound of waves.

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His voice broke under the weight of his words. Avery instinctively grasped his hand in hers, applying a gentle pressure to the smooth surface. His hands had always been an object of fascination for her, his delicate skin, his long but firm fingers always moving with grace, certainly because of the years of playing the piano under them. She didn’t have anything to say that would make him feel better because it was not what he needed right now, so she just kept massaging the back of his hand with her thumb, encouraging him to continue and showing him that she was listening, and with a shaky

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breath, he did.

Dear god, he was hot. Standing next to the door, Josh was wearing slim black pants that hugged his long legs, and a deep red shirt that clung nicely around his biceps and broad shoulders, with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Fuck. Why did men have to make a big show of their forearms like that? His hair was messier than the night of the fundraiser, making a memory of a sweaty and tousle-haired Josh after track practise flash behind her eyes. Avery resisted the urge to run to him and slide her hands in his beautiful hazelnut curls. From where she stood, he looked a bit more like the Josh she knew, wild and spontaneous, only older, and definitely sexier.

Ohhh 😍😍

“I wasn’t sure you were gonna show up!” he said, wrapping her in a tight embrace that took her by surprise. Her body was pressed against his, drawing her into the hardness of his chest as warmth radiated from him and wrapping her in his citrusy scent. The electricity crackling between them was undeniable. She could feel it crawl under her skin and shoot straight down her spine, leaving a trail of shivers along the way. She needed to let go before she did something she knew she’d regret.

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When he raised his eyes to her face, lips slightly parted and cheeks flushed, she thought she was going to explode. He grinned, like he knew exactly how she felt. And maybe he felt it too. It was a second too long, and dammit, it took everything she had to stay where she was and not throw herself at him like some desperate teenager. You seriously need to reel it in, Ave.

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She clinked her glass to his, still holding his gaze. Only a table separated them. Would she fit there, in the small place between the edge of the table and Josh, if she were to climb it and straddle him right now? Would he cup her ass with his strong hands? Would he run them through her hair? She was leaning dangerously closer to making a decision and finding it out. What are you thinking?

😍😍😍

The possessive touch sobered her up instantly. She stood up sharply and turned to Josh, his eyes dark, and his hand still clutching her hip. Avery watched as his chest rose up and down while his fingers flexed slowly against her skin. Her gaze moved from his fingers to his lips and very carefully, she drew closer to him. Everything around them stilled and disappeared, only Josh came into focus. Their lips were only inches apart. Avery rose on her tiptoes, her fingers digging into the flesh of his arms for balance. It was impossible to ignore the throbbing pulse between them. She was going to do it. She was going to kiss him. His breath flew across her lips and as she leaned in, Josh lifted his chin and kissed the top of her forehead instead. In her eagerness and current state, Avery hadn’t factored this outcome in. Too late. She was already in motion and couldn’t stop the humiliation she was already feeling. Like a slo-mo scene, her lips crashed miserably against his Adam’s apple. As

drunk as she was, it still wasn’t enough not to feel the shame flood her body and consume her on the spot. Oblivious to what had just transpired, Brooke was passed out on the table next to them, gently snoring.

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“Hi.” She breathed a sigh of relief against his chest, his familiar scent soothing her on the spot. He patted her back and dropped a kiss on her head. “Tough day?” “Something like that, yeah.” Miles released her and raised an eyebrow. He looked just like a young version of their father, with the same dark hair he used to have, neatly trimmed on the sides and slightly longer on top, a stark contrast to the light color of his skin. The only notable differences that kept Avery from having anxiety every time she looked at her brother were his brown eyes and his thick but short beard.

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Slowly, he shifted her away from him, just enough to look at her, their noses almost touching. Keeping one arm tightly placed around her waist, Josh lifted his other hand and cupped her cheek, the roughness of his fingers on her skin making her dizzy. She felt like wax melting under a flame.

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The tenderness with which he looked at her was enough to make her want to cry. She missed him. She missed him looking at her like that, making her feel safe and loved. She missed him feeling like home. A home that threw you outside and locked the doors after promising to be your sanctuary, her inner voice reminded her, but she pushed the thought away. Not now. Not when it felt so good to find a little piece of herself back. For a split second, Avery considered leaning in and feeling his warm lips on hers, she wanted to know his taste, wondered if it would feel as natural as being held by him. Just do it. Do it before you come to your sense. Do—

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He reached for her hand, interlaced their fingers and led her to the front door. Standing on the porch, a wicked smile on his face, Josh brought her fingers he was holding to his lips and planted the lightest of kisses. How much strength does this man think I have? He pushed the door open and stood aside as Avery walked into probably the longest evening of her life.

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“Hey.” She placed her hand under his razor-sharp jaw, forcing him to look at her. She failed to consider the burning sensation she would feel from her fingertips, traveling all the way up her arm, and right to the little organ pumping all those feelings in her chest. She exhaled and looked at him. “I mean it when I say I had a great time. Thank you for helping me go after my dreams.” As if her arm was a completely independent limb from the rest of her body, acting on its own accord, her hand traveled south, brushing the collar of his shirt, and landing flat against his pec. Shocked by the intimacy of her gesture, she yanked her hand away, but Josh wrapped his fingers around her wrist before she could completely remove it, pressing her hand back to his chest, over his heart. Avery felt it race under her palm, and understanding slowly settled between them. When she parted her lips, Josh’s gaze immediately slid there, both of them going a little bit breathless.

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Against her better judgment, she went with the hug. Josh wrapped his arms around her softly, his hands rubbing her back. When she broke away, there was so much warmth in his eyes that she thought she was going to melt on the spot.

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The idea that Josh had thought of her when he’d seen this dress, that he’d felt it was made for her, like he’d imagined her in it, sent a rush of warmth through her. She imagined him walking around town and stumbling upon the dress in a window, entering the store, oddly selecting the right size and paying, the cashier probably asking who the lucky lady was. And apparently, she was.

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She wanted to run to him and soothe the line that had formed between his brows with her thumb, to tell him that it was okay, that he could cry and let go, be sad. That she would be there to catch him, this time. And as if on cue, she watched as tears slid down his cheeks. It took real effort for Avery to keep her feet planted where they were. Every part of her was itching to get to him. She hadn't realized she was crying too until her own tears fell on her arms, which were clasped tightly under her chest.

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She saw his entire body tense in anticipation as his eyes went completely dark. He rushed off the stage and didn’t slow down one bit when his body collided with hers. Eagerly, he backed her up against the nearest wall and finally, finally crashed his lips on hers. There was nothing tender about this kiss. It was all rushed hands, wet lips, craving and impatience. She was caught between the wall and Josh, and her hands moved quickly to undo his bow tie and the first buttons on his shirt. Josh wrapped his long fingers around the nape of her neck and inclined her head, granting him better access, and Avery failed to contain the tiny sound that escaped her mouth as she opened to let him in. The husky grunt that came from his mouth as their tongues collided could have made her come on the spot. This was the doing of a starved man. Desperate to get

closer, Avery clutched Josh's hair as if she were holding on for dear life, marvelling at his scent, his taste, his power over her.

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“I’m o-okay.” “Avery,” he warned. “Don’t be stubborn right now, please. Let me help you. Come here.” She didn’t have energy to fight him so she let him guide her to his bedroom, every fiber of her being shaking from the cold and exhaustion. Josh sat her at the foot of the bed and crouched down in front of her, taking her foot and gently placing it on his thigh. “Is that okay?” he asked, pointing to the zipper of her boot. Avery nodded and Josh began to remove her shoes, and then her socks. Placing them next to him, his hands grazed her thighs as he moved them up to grab the hem of her shirt. He looked at Avery to make sure she was all right with it, and when she nodded again, he slipped her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. She heard him draw a sharp breath and saw his jaw muscles twitching as his eyes roamed furtively over her exposed skin. She shivered again and Josh snapped out of it. “Let me get you a shirt.”

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Josh didn’t say a word, but he laid down next to her, bringing her against him, her back against his chest and his palm resting on her stomach. There, in his arms, Avery could finally relax slowly and breathe a little easier. Her own personal haven. “Better?” he asked. He buried his head in the hollow of her neck, breathing her in like she was the one soothing him, which was a ridiculous thought. “Perfect,” she whispered and finally let herself drift off to sleep.

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She dropped her eyes to his hand and her mind flew back to the dream she’d just woken up from. The both of them under the covers, sleek with sweat, his breath panting in the nape of her neck while … Oh god. Had he heard her? Her face burnt red.

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eager to start their long overdue date night. “Avie!” Josh said when he opened the door. Should she kiss him? They hadn’t kissed since the show, hadn’t even talked about it, and she wasn’t sure where they stood or what the proper etiquette was. Awkward. She went with a hug. Safe. “Hey,” she said, breathing in his scent. He stepped aside to let her in. She was not prepared for what she saw once she walked through the door. Josh had set the table for two and lit candles all around, the dancing flames creating a very cozy atmosphere. She recognized one of his favorite pianists, Khatia Buniatishvili, playing in the background on his record player. A bottle of red wine was open on the table—her favorite, Avery noted. On the stove, a pot was simmering, and a faint aroma of duck tickled her nose. “Josh,” Avery whispered, lifting a hand to her mouth, stunned. “I— I can't believe you did all this.” “Well, it's a date, isn't it? Here, let me take your coat.” Avery removed her coat on autopilot and took off her shoes. When she straightened up, Josh was standing inches away from her, his commanding frame towering almost a foot above her. Close to fainting from the overpowering proximity, Avery clutched tightly at the strap of her camera bag. So far, he looked happy to see her, but she knew her mind would not rest until she’d made sure of it.

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She turned her head, brushing her nose with his, and kissed him. She would have thought kissing Josh would be strange after years of close friendship, but she couldn't have been more wrong. It was as if they had denied themselves the possibility but were always meant to get there one day.

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“I love how your mind works,” he replied as naturally as if he had just announced that tomorrow would be a sunny day.

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sleepy brain was probably playing tricks on her. Still, she approached the black Audi, and saw Josh, his head tilted toward the window, his mouth hanging open and drool coating his chin. How could he look so cute drooling? Maybe it was because he'd been sitting in his car all night in the cold waiting for her, or maybe it was because he was fiercely loyal, showing her over and over again that he wasn't the same man he’d been, that she could trust him, that she should trust him again, but Avery felt her heart melt at the sight of him soundly asleep. She had a sudden urge to tell him all about her fears and beg him to never leave her side. And this time, to follow through.

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When Josh met her outside, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders to steady her and guide her to the car, and she let herself lean against him, no longer having the strength to handle it all on her own.

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She rolled over and buried her nose in his pillow, breathing him in. She would never get over his scent, so deliciously him. It soothed her better than any anxiety medications or essential oils ever could. And how she needed it, now that she was temporarily without a home.

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Avery inhaled another deep whiff of his scent. Since she’d temporally moved in, Josh had made her feel so welcome, cooking for her, making sure that Simba was settled properly, and attentive to her boundaries and what she wanted.

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Avery let her fingers run over his naked torso before sliding them back up into his already mussed curls. Josh shuddered under her touch. Every time she touched him, she saw him lose his mind and grow hot under her fingertips. This wasn’t something normal right? She’d never felt this pull with anybody else, and it was kind of scary to see the power they had over each other.

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Rachel said. “Then, stop reading romance novels. You’re hurting yourself with all your dreamy ‘book boyfriends.’” Everybody laughed and sighed because, yeah … real-life men could never measure up to book boyfriends.

True

He grinned and captured her lips with his own, pressing them against hers as if he hadn't kissed her in years. Avery reciprocated, sliding her hands into the mass of curls, trying to get closer and closer to him. Josh grabbed her waist and dragged her onto his lap, straddling him. She gasped in surprise, but the sound was quickly followed by a moan when her center made contact with the bulge in his pants.

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She knew what she was doing. Looking at the moment from every angle, examining every inch of it, replaying it over and over in her head. That was her anxiety at play. But still, the understanding sank in. She was falling in love with him. Shit.

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When she walked into the apartment, he smiled widely as soon as his eyes landed on her, making her knees wobble in response. His chestnut hair was neatly styled, a few rogue curls still falling over his forehead. Just how she liked it. His jawline was further accentuated tonight by a light stubble that made her think he hadn't shaved in a few days and would definitely scrape her thighs. He wore simple dark jeans, a black sweater with a gray shirt underneath and a black overcoat. In other words, he was fucking gorgeous. “Hey you,” he said, getting up to greet her. They hadn’t seen each other properly in a several days so she was not surprised when he picked her up and kissed her senseless. Oh, how she’d missed the taste of his lips, the feel of his tongue invading her mouth. His possessive hands were pulling her waist flush against him, like he wanted her closer than physically possible. “Hi,” she laughed against his mouth. “I missed you,” he said between kisses on her lips, her cheeks, the tip of her nose. “I made a reservation at your favorite sushi place for 6:30 so you have …” He checked his watch. The man had a watch. If that didn’t scream put-together. “Ten minutes if you want to change?”

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The truth was, she was having a hard time hiding her feelings from him. She had tried the last few days not to dwell on it, but it was time to face the music. Avery was in love with him, and there was no doubt about it. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and every fiber of her body ached with the urge to confess it all to him. She just needed more time. But fuck, she didn’t really know how much time she had. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She didn’t know the second he’d take off, so she was kind of playing it day by day. This whole situation gave her a headache. One thought at a time.

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“What you did tonight for me, baby, no one has been able to do it before. And you just … you actually did it. Because it's who you are, no one can stand up to you. I've been trying to talk sense into my dad for years and it only took you ten minutes to start the conversation. I am in complete awe of you. I love you. I love you so much and it was unavoidable because the truth is that I fell in love with you years ago, but I only have the courage to tell you now. Now that I'm holding you in my arms, I'm never letting you go, because I know I cannot go ten years again without you by my side.” She wasn't prepared for this. It was too fast, too soon, she wasn't ready to tell him—she’d barely had time to understand her own feelings and put a name on what they were. Yes, she loved him, more than she could ever possibly admit to him. But she wanted to be sure of herself, and be sure that he wasn't going to run away. Because once those three words were out, so was her heart. There were no take-backs. And she was going to be certain that he would take care of it.

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