I Hope This Finds You Well

by Natalie Sue

But every one of them shows up on Monday, until the weeks turn into a life sentence.

I had no idea yet about things like: working faster than everyone is bad, actually; not talking about your private life with colleagues is suspicious; and you have to be fake nice to powerful people even when they treat you horribly.

“No, I don’t have Facebook,” I say quickly. “I see enough ugly babies IRL.”

Right now, you’re a tiny boat in the sea being pushed by every wave, fighting the current. We’re going to help you become a sailboat who flows with things.”

Why can’t we normalize telling babies and the people who love them to fuck off in some polite way?

“But I think we need to normalize being comfortable roasting people.

And socializing is the last thing a drunk person should be doing. Hasn’t anyone else figured out this life truth?

This will be a reminder to anyone who ever suspected a company gave a shit about them. Even though we all tease that we’ll quit, we know this company can more easily part with us.

So think whatever you want about me. Nothing is worse than what happens inside my head.”