I Hope This Finds You Well

by Natalie Sue

I didn’t even go to her funeral. It was the right move. When the song ends, I hit play again. Because if Ellie hadn’t been friends with me, there wouldn’t have been a funeral at all.

Mom’s prescription for me is always just to literally stop being sad. I know it’s not malicious. She grew up believing that depression and anxiety are controllable with the right attitude, fruit, and sunlight. She has traumas of her own that she’s been ignoring, long before my pile of problems joined the mix. As an immigrant, this is survival mode.

“I thought it would go away. I thought if I waited, one day it wouldn’t hurt anymore. But time has passed—it’s passed so much—and I’ve only become worse.”

“I know I’m not supposed to think like this. It just feels like everyone else is moving forward with their lives, but I’m trapped behind this glass dome that no one can see through.”

It feels so good to be known by someone, to be seen, to be touched.