Play With Me (Playing for Keeps, #2)

by Becka Mack

just wanna love you out loud. Why won’t you let me love you out loud?”

“Living without your soul mate is something no one should ever have to do,” Hank murmurs. He pats my hand. “I know there’s something extra special waiting for you, Jennie. A love above all the rest. That’s what a soul mate is. Someone with smooth edges to soften our sharp ones. Someone who fits us so perfectly, vibrates on the same frequency, makes all our best parts shine. And together? Together, everything is exactly the way it’s meant to be.”

If it’s my time to go, at least the dessert was orgasmic.

Well, that won’t work. Absolutely not. If I can’t have her, nobody else on this team gets her.

I changed my mind. I want her, and I’m gonna have her. Carter walks away, leaving his sister glaring at me, and when she flips me the double bird, I know that only God can help me now. Fuck me, I’m going for it anyway.

“That’s you, sunshine. You’re my favorite dessert.” With my hand on her throat, I haul her into me. Breathless, she clings to me as I whisper my next words. “C’mon, Jennie. Play with me.”

“This sudden confidence of mine? That’s courtesy of you, Jennie. Knowing you want me as much as I want you makes me feel like I’m on top of the world.”

Listen—not all sex is special, but some is supposed to be, and I’m not sure that’s been Jennie’s experience. Because there’s something going on here, something that ruined this for her. Maybe it’s related to her lack of friends, or the trust she doesn’t give easily, but if I can give her those things—friendship, trust, respect—I’ll do it happily. I want whatever pieces of her she’s willing to give me.

“I hate you,” she growls. “Furthest thing from it, gorgeous.” I drop my pants to the ground, flip her onto her back, kneel before her, and start working her jeans off. “Any other rules before I get started? I’m fuckin’ starving.”

When I groan, those pale eyes light with excitement and she smiles around me. It’s in that moment I realize what she needs. Encouragement. Reassurance. Praise. She needs to know she makes me feel as good as I make her feel. Her signature Beckett arrogance doesn’t own this part of her life, but if I have any say, it will.

“I didn’t ask to be your boyfriend. I asked—respectfully—to wreck your body in a way that both of us enjoy immensely, based on the way I can’t keep my tongue out of there and you keep trying to detach my hair from my scalp. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna sit by and let someone disrespect you or your boundaries just because we aren’t dating. I’m still gonna have your back.”

“I like that I can make you shy. Take the boldest, bravest girl I know and make you speechless, even for a second. And then you get this big smile on your face and come to life, like my words spur you on. You’re the best mix of shy and confident when you’re naked, and I love watching you get there.”

I know this relationship is physical, but the way he treats me tells me I’m his friend first, and he’d take that over the rest if he had to. He knows when to be rough, commanding, possessive, while also knowing when to give me his patient, gentle, and goofy side. But above all, he’s always genuine with me, and it’s refreshing to no longer have to guess what’s going through his mind when he looks at me.

“C’mon, Jennie. Dance with me.” Her grin is a slow explosion, lighting her whole face as all that apprehension fades away. “You’ll dance for me?” “I’ll do anything for you.”

She giggles quietly, and I revel in the feel of her in my arms, like she was made to be a part of my life in some way.

“Thanks for making me feel better today. I’m lucky to have you.” But I think I’m the lucky one, and when she falls asleep ten minutes into the movie, I don’t wake her. I don’t wake her ’til after midnight, and even then, I’m considering saying fuck it.

I haven’t quite figured it out, but Jennie brings an ache to my chest that wasn’t there before her. She’s an enigma, this bold, confident woman who refuses to settle yet always seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s like she’s expecting me to walk away at any moment, like this relationship isn’t as valuable to me as it is to her.

“I don’t want you being insecure about this. Yes, I meet lots of girls, but there’s no one else I’d rather do this with. I like you, Jennie. You’re fun and you make me laugh. I like to boss you around in the bedroom and you like to boss me around the rest of the time. We’re compatible, and the chemistry is explosive, which is why I think this works so well. On top of that, you’re quickly climbing your way to the top of my best friend list.”

The gratitude shining in her smile throws me for a loop. It’s like all she’s needed all this time was for somebody to give her the chance to navigate a new friendship, a meaningful relationship, time for her to feel at ease to open up and be herself. I’m happy and honored to be that person, but I’m sad she’s spent years without one. I want her to feel safe to be herself with me.

“Please don’t brush off whatever happened because he didn’t leave bruises on your body. Bruises you can’t see can hurt just as much as the ones you can.” Her eyes lift cautiously to mine, showing me unshed tears. “They hurt a little less when I’m with you,” she whispers. “Thank you for being my friend, Garrett. I think I really needed you.”

“But I think you are my family,” he finally replies softly, urging my gaze to his, patient and kind, full of compassion. “The guys, Cara, Ollie … they’re the family I found here, the one I chose, and I think you’re part of it, too, now. I want you to be, at least. You feel like you belong in it.”

His laugh is my favorite sound, his smile my favorite sight.

What you need is a partner, a best friend. Someone who’s patient with you, who waits for you to open up when you’re ready and wants to walk through all your battles with you. Someone who makes you laugh, who complements your incredible qualities.

Whether she roars or whispers, she’s still beautiful, strong, and uniquely perfect to me.

I don’t want to break her; I want to show her she’s already whole. I want to be her best friend, the person she comes to when she needs help, like she did tonight. I want to be the one she opens herself up to without holding back. I want her to show me it all while I promise to keep those parts safe.

Garrett’s my solid and my steady. He’s the constant in my life, the smile always waiting for me, the friendship that never wanes, the connection that grows stronger each day.

She’s stunning, a beautiful soul, my best friend even though I wasn’t looking. And as we sway together, the music telling us how quickly we’re falling, how hard, the future that could lie before us if we let it, I realize how difficult the words on the tip of my tongue are becoming to swallow down.

“Doesn’t that answer your question? Why would you want to be away from her and sad when you can be with her and happy?”

He takes every bit of me, the shattered trust, the deep, never-ending grief, the bold and loud, the soft and quiet, both the confident and the timid, and he makes a space for all of it, for all of me in his big heart, and he never asks for anything more.

Because with him, I’m safe. Safe to be myself, safe to feel, safe to want, safe to be. If this is love, I’m in it. If this is love, I never want to let go.

“I’m so fucking tired of pretending.” “Pretending what?” It’s nothing but a breathy whisper as he prowls toward me, matching each of my steps backward. His strong hands cup my face, piercing gaze locked on mine as he looms above me. My heart slams in my chest as his thumb sweeps across my lower lip, and his eyes dip, watching as my lips part on a jagged inhale, before flipping back up to mine. “I’m so fucking tired of pretending I’m not in love with you.”

Holding her is my second favorite thing to do, right after loving her.

I wonder if he knows that I radiate happiness because he gave me the space to shine.

Bear: I know you need space to make this decision on your own, but I couldn’t let you go in there without saying something first. Bear: You can do this. You deserve this. You’ve earned it. If you want it, all you have to do is reach out and take it. I’m proud of you, Jennie, and no matter what, you’ll always be my best friend, and I’ll always be your safe place to land.

I believe life puts us in the path of those people we need, that we’re going to stumble across each other one way or another.