Portals

by Douglas E. Richards

Ashley smiled, taking the control and sending the robot on its way, following the precise path laid out by its sibling. It passed the point at which the other had been destroyed and kept walking, while we waited with bated breath, our hands now covering our ears.

“Ashley smiled, taking the control and sending the robot on its way, following the precise path laid out by its sibling. It passed the point at which the other had been destroyed and kept walking, while we waited with bated breath, our hands now covering our ears.” NOTE—- Is she using the remote to control the robot or putting her hands over her ears? Can she do both?

motioned for the captain to hold his position by the helicopter, out of hearing range, while we hastily filled the boss in.

“I motioned for the captain to hold his position by the helicopter, out of hearing range, while we hastily filled the boss in.” NOTE— Aren’t they able to silently make these type of phone calls through the chips in their brains? Why do they need to be out of his hearing range?

US black lab had seen to that, having recently invented a pill that would not only put soldiers out instantly, but keep them in a such an enriched state of sleep that two hours had

“A US black lab had seen to that, having recently invented a pill that would not only put soldiers out instantly, but keep them in a such an enriched state of sleep that two hours had…” NOTE - Why does it have to be a “recently invented” pill? This is set in the future, so keep it simple by just making the pill a futuristic thing.

In more recent decades, the breakthrough tech our geniuses developed frequently outpaced our tech infrastructure, so couldn’t be implemented.”

“In more recent decades, the breakthrough tech our geniuses developed frequently outpaced our tech infrastructure, so couldn’t be implemented.” NOTE— Is a word missing in the last clause or phrase? The sentence doesn’t make sense. Should it say: “… the breakthrough tech our geniuses developed frequently outpaced our tech infrastructure, so IT couldn’t be implemented.” ? The added word “it” makes better sense.

The two worlds on which humanity had perished also weren’t as shocking as I had first thought. Humanity on Earth had nearly fallen into this same abyss. Scientists studying genetic diversity and shared ancestry had concluded that seventy thousand years ago the total population of humanity had dwindled to just a few thousand.

“…The two worlds on which humanity had perished also weren’t as shocking as I had first thought. **Humanity on Earth had nearly fallen into this same abyss. Scientists studying genetic diversity and shared ancestry had concluded that seventy thousand years ago the total population of humanity had dwindled to just a few thousand…” **NOTE- Now that we know an extraterrestrial life form had terraformed Earth to SEEM as if populations older than 7,000 years existed, doesn’t this information become moot?

but given I could now think in the Corian language, and speak it effortlessly, as though it were English, the mind imprinter had worked as advertised.

“…but given I could now think in the Corian language, and speak it effortlessly, as though it were English, the mind imprinter had worked as advertised…” ***NOTE: The phrase “as advertised” is cliche, unimaginative, and completely wrong in this context. Obviously, the reader understands the mind imprinter isn’t advertised (at least not on Earth), but another way of finishing this paragraph and the scenario of his very important Corian preparation deserves a bit more thought from the author. Even “as promised” would have been less offensive.

And several Corians had been trained to pilot the Nighthawk, our very own VTOL jet stationed on the Corian base, ensuring we could race to wherever we needed to go at supersonic speeds.

“And several Corians had been trained to pilot the Nighthawk, our very own VTOL jet stationed on the Corian base, ensuring we could race to wherever we needed to go at supersonic speeds.” ***NOTE- This is confusing because he’s describing pilots on Corian’s (the other planet’s base), but the situation needs people who are able to pilot on Earth so that they can reach a portal to go to Corian quickly when it appears. If he’s referring to an Earth-stationed Corian base, and the VTOL jet pilot is only dropping them off at the portal and staying on Earth, that needs to be more clearly described.

which would allow the enemy to narrow down our possible points of departure.

From a place on Earth? WTF? Now this is getting too convoluted. Not sure I’m going to stick with this book when so many other great series are waiting to be read.

An interesting tidbit would have been to ponder on the differences in the sun, moon and stars. The planets are so many millions of light years apart, the night sky would seem to be different. OR, he could ponder how the creators made even the celestial objects identical to Earth’s. I’m curious.

I then entered the courtyard and buried the wrapped collar in a deep planter there, centering it in the middle of two feet of potting soil. This complete, I pressed the remote in the sequence that would trigger the device to explode and breathed a third sigh of relief. The collar hadn’t gone off.

Burying the remote in a foot of soil should have blocked the signal well enough, but just to be sure, I had wrapped it in aluminum foil, which served as a Faraday cage, blocking electromagnetic radiation. As Clarke Hankey had demonstrated, it paid to be cautious.

“I then entered the courtyard and buried the wrapped collar in a deep planter there, centering it in the middle of two feet of potting soil. This complete, I pressed the remote in the sequence that would trigger the device to explode and breathed a third sigh of relief. The collar hadn’t gone off.” ***** “Burying the remote in a foot of soil should have blocked the signal well enough, but just to be sure, I had wrapped it in aluminum foil, which served as a Faraday cage, blocking electromagnetic radiation. As Clarke Hankey had demonstrated, it paid to be cautious.” ***NOTE: He didn’t bury the REMOTE. He buried the COLLAR and set off its explosive. He still has the REMOTE in his hand, which is how he set off the buried COLLAR. It literally took place a few sentences before, and the sentence prior to the new paragraph says COLLAR. ***Editor, Author, Beta-Reader ERROR— (How?) *****NOTATION AFTER READING THAT HE HAD PROGRAMMED THE SIGNAL INTO HIS AND ASHLEY’S BRAIN IMPLANTS: I came back to re-read if it made sense that he had indeed, buried the remote. On this page, it doesn’t. There seems to be a missing paragraph of information regarding why he’d bury the remote. Just one sentence that he had “bluetooth” connected the device to his brain implant would have been helpful and not felt like a writer or editor error.

Wherever Coria was located, its night sky was teeming with stars, outshining our own by several fold, and the night-vision capabilities of my smart contacts allowed me to see nearly as well as if it were daylight.

“Wherever Coria was located, its night sky was teeming with stars, outshining our own by several fold, and the night-vision capabilities of my smart contacts allowed me to see nearly as well as if it were daylight.” **** NOTE: Most likely, The stars are more brilliant because there is less pollution and probably less light pollution, as well. This moment is yet another lost opportunity to make even a comment about the different night sky of this planet. Maybe the moon’s surface is intriguing? Perhaps another smaller moon revolves around it, offering the light of two moons…something different would be INTERESTING.