How to Kill Men and Get Away With It

by Katy Brent

Having a stalker is a classic sign you’ve reached peak influencer status, but why can’t I have a nice one who sends things? Nice things. Why do I have to have one of the weirdos who fantasise about using my blood as lube while masturbating?

My heart aches for her. I’ve never believed heartbreak is taken seriously enough. It can destroy you.

‘Mental illness can make you selfish,’ I attempted in a weak argument. ‘Yes, but it doesn’t make you an absolute cunt.’

I don’t want to go around London hacking people to death because I’m just an angry woman. The men I kill deserve it. Every last little bit of it. So, it’s not actually murder when you look at it that way.

I remember thinking how incredibly happy grown-ups were at parties. It was only as I got older that I realised it was because they were all drunk or high.

He’s only got around 2,000 followers, which is basically none. Annoyingly, his page is private. Having a locked account is something that is totally unheard of in my world and usually means you’ve done something so humiliating, which has made it onto the sidebar of shame on MailOnline. I very much doubt this is the case with Charlie though and consider the possibility that he’s actually a private person.

I just thought you were going to be another shallow rich girl.’ ‘Hey!’ I nudge his foot with mine under the table. ‘Those shallow rich girls are my lifelong friends.’

If you think extremely average white men have a confidence they don’t deserve, imagine one with money who has been gushed over since he was about twelve.

We’ve all got the potential to do very bad things; it’s whether we can control those urges that make us what we are.