Yours Truly (Part of Your World, #2)

by Abby Jimenez

I knew from years of therapy that I was ruminating. That the encounter had probably been nothing to her, but to me it felt like the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened. A decade from now I’d be lying in bed and my eyes would fly open and I’d remember the incredulous way she’d looked at me—me, the guy who had the audacity to walk into her ER room and talk to her about running toward a critical patient, one she obviously knew and cared about.

Okay why is jacob literally me

I’d adopted Lieutenant Dan when Amy and I were together. He was my dog, but we’d shared him pretty equally, and Amy loved him just as much as I did.

LMFAOOOO I LOVE HIM FOR THE FOREST GUMP REFERENCE

When the wife gets sick, the husband gets a new wife.”

Thats so my mom core

“Yes, it is.” She agreed. “But remember, you can’t spell disappointment without men,” she sang.

HELP

I just wanted to be invisible. I wished I could wipe everyone’s brains and have them forget that Amy and I had ever been a thing.

“Benny, you can do this. You just need to get adjusted. I can help you.”

I just realized that benny is most likely a greys anatomy reference lmfao (like yk denny, benny, close enough!) and alexis last name is Montgomery, like Addison Montgomery, and they both have red hair sooooooo

So I just squatted here like a castaway trapped on a deserted island. Maybe a part of me was afraid to leave the island. Because then this was all real.

And the top comment said: “As if Minnesota isn’t wet enough already.”

LMFAOOOOOOO

I didn’t usually watch new shows. I just rewatched the same ones over and over. I liked the familiarity, the predictability. If I rewatched a show, there were never any surprises. No emotional jump scares. I didn’t have to process new feelings or stress over cliffhangers. I knew where it was going and how it would end. Music too. When my anxiety is extra high, new music is too draining to process. I’d lean on old playlists.

THIS IS SO REAL.

This was me making space for her, even though she would never know it. My way of saying thank you for her friendship, even if it was too quiet to hear.

Nick and I were supposed to grow old together. It was good. We were happy. But I just wasn’t her.

“I give you a catchphrase. And you have to work it into a conversation. The second you do, you’re allowed a time-out from peopling. We go sit on the stairs with the dog or something.” He eyed me. “A catchphrase? Like what?” I twisted my lips and looked sideways. “Liiiike, ‘Not on my watch,’” I said in a fake British accent.

“What the hell is it to you? I’m gonna kick the bucket anyway! I’m half dead already. One cigarette. If you get me a whole pack, I’ll give you my Purple Heart.”

LMFAOOOOO

There were appetizers set out. A penis-shaped charcuterie board that Mom got for Christmas from her best friend, and an Edible Arrangement.

Hello?????

“What’d you think of her?” Jane asked, looking over at me when I came up from the cabinet, lid in hand. Briana peered at me, waiting. I paused for a long moment, debating what to say. Then I decided the truth was best. “I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

‘A man who can keep a plant alive has the patience to put up with your shit.’”

“I know!” Amy said, a little too brightly. “They told us you had one. We couldn’t believe it.” I don’t think she meant it to come out like that, but it did. I felt Briana tense next to me. “I know what you mean,” Briana said curtly. “When Jacob told me what this party was for, I couldn’t believe that either.” Amy’s mouth fell open. Walter buried his nose in his cup of beer, Gwen sucked air through her teeth, and Jewel whispered, “Damn. Double homicide,” under her breath.

LOLLLL

Something clattered in the hallway. Jafar squawked. “Peekaboo, cocksucker! Bieber! Bieber!”

Real

Unresolved love always circles back. It lingers. It festers. It builds inside of you until it has to come out, and it putrefies everything else. It makes you resent who you’re with because they can’t be the one you really love and never will be. It makes you compare and feel disappointed every time you realize no one is as good as her.

Because just like with Kelly, I still wasn’t her.

if you’re with someone who doesn’t speak your language, you’ll spend a lifetime having to translate your soul?

Jacob made me feel safe. He was like a living lullaby. A softly spoken word. The smell of coffee and toast in the morning or a cozy fleece blanket. The rain pattering on the roof on a day where you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything.

“I have to give it to Doug, he is a hustler,” Briana said, eyeing the Venmo. “Doug would punch me in the face for a billion dollars.” “Then I’d have to punch Doug in the face for free.”

“Well, I still wouldn’t punch you in the face,” I said. “But I would work hard enough so you’d always have everything you need. I’d go hungry so you could eat.” She gave me an amused look. “I wouldn’t let you go hungry for me,” she said. “I know. That’s why I’d never tell you.” “You wouldn’t tell me?” “The truest sacrifices are the ones no one knows anything about.”

building blocks again for the wall I liked to keep around it. I think, subconsciously, that was what I was hoping for. I wanted him to disappoint me. I wanted to get past the façade that everyone shows the rest of the world and see who he really was unscripted.

held her gaze. “This one’s you.” She smiled and then scooted over and curled up against me and I got to put an arm around her. She snuggled into me and it was everything. My entire universe condensed to a single place and time.

The fire burned down to embers and I stayed there until my back hurt from leaning on a hope chest. Then I picked her up and carried her to bed. And while she was cradled in my arms, she muttered something about teleporting.

STOPPPP

I laughed a little. “You want to meet more of my people? You haven’t had enough?” “Well, I didn’t enjoy Doug very much, but I liked Alexis and Daniel.” “Okay, Doug is not my people. I do not claim him.” He chuckled.

I dont even think the human race claims him

I doubted there would be much of that. I didn’t want to disappear when she was around. I wanted to be wherever she was.

I’d been trying to give him space since he was people’d out, so I’d spent the day watching TikTok videos and texting Alexis so I stayed out of his hair. But now I wished I’d gotten him to stay home instead. He wasn’t in a good place to hear this news on his best day.

IM GONNA JUMPPPPPPPPP

I wanted to die, I loved him so much. I wanted to crawl inside of him and live there. I wanted to spend the rest of my life just being with him. Adoring him. Protecting him. Living in all his quiets. Letting him touch me any way he wanted to, as often as he wanted to. A head on his shoulder in a movie theater. A kiss before bed. A cuddle in the dark. Growing old and holding his hand. Anything he wanted. Anything he needed. I wanted to be his anything.

Every mouth in the room was open. Amy was wide-eyed, Jane was red, Jill was nodding, Jewel looked like I had her vote for president, and Joy was stifling a grin.

I LOVE HIS FAMILY OMFG

“Use me,” he said, his eyes resigned. “Use me for whatever you want. Just stay.” The words froze me

HES SO MEEEEEE

“I’m in love with you,” I gasped. “Again.” “I’m in love with you.” He laughed, blinking at me through tears. “This is real?” I asked. He nodded. “It’s always been real.”

“This is what it feels like to be truly loved. I’ve never felt it before. And I didn’t even realize it until just now.” He smiled at me gently. “Yes. This is what it feels like.” And we stayed there holding each other, inseparable, immovable, tangled like a tree that had grown into a chain-link fence.

????

“I’d eat you even if you weren’t a gummy bear…” “Guys, it’s getting fucking gross,” Jewel said, sitting down next to us with Gwen. “Like, we get it, you’re obsessed with each other. Quit it already.”

THANK U MY QUEEN SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT

She laughed quietly. “Would you have believed it?” I shook my head with a grin. “No. Probably not.” It was too good to be true…

Bruh

I can give you space, but I will never leave you, Briana. Do you hear me? Never. Every single thing that matters to me in this world is in this bed. I love you.”

“We’re all a little broken, Briana. We are a mosaic. We’re made up of all those we’ve met and all the things we’ve been through. There are parts of us that are colorful and dark and jagged and beautiful. And I love every piece of you. Even the ones you wish didn’t exist.”

There’s a special peace in sleeping next to someone you love. When you slip into the dark holding them and wake up and they’re still there and you know that everything that matters is just opening your eyes away.

“Not as much as I love her. I don’t even think it’s possible that she could,” I said quietly. “She’s it, Mom.” I looked at her. “I think I knew it the moment I laid eyes on her.” I laughed a little. “Even though she was telling me off.”

“I want you to know that watching two complete strangers fall in love has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.” I stilled. “What do you mean?” She grinned ruefully. “Come on, Jacob. It’s my job to know when it isn’t real. And also when it is.”

“You know, love shows up, Briana. And even if you keep me away from you, my heart will still be where you are. So just let me be where you are.”

…It’s funny to think that even sitting there on the floor with her, uncomfortable and tired, was better than sitting anywhere else in the world without her. I didn’t even want to go to sleep because I’d rather be awake and with the woman I love than risk being alone in my dreams…

And I realized that this is what true love feels like. Clinging even to the stolen moments you’re not supposed to have…

…When she ghosts me, she haunts me. I can still feel her all around me only I can’t see her or touch her and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can’t go the rest of my life like this. This isn’t living. Nothing is anything without her…

Because I’ll still be there. And we will still be in love. Yours truly, Jacob

They only let me in because you had me listed on your intake paperwork as your wife.” I gave her a small, tired smile. “I’m trying to manifest the things I want by speaking them into the universe.” “And you want a wife?” “Only if it’s you.”

“I’m afraid I’m just drugged and none of this is really happening.” “It’s really happening, Jacob.” I closed my eyes. “How do I know?” “Because love shows up. And here I am.”

I looked her in the eye. “Briana, I agree to be harmless to you.” She smiled, because she knew that was all of it. It was the only promise she needed to hear. It was her turn. She gave me a wry grin. “Jacob, I agree to be harmless to you.” The smile ripped across my face, followed by the sting of tears. And then I really couldn’t feel everyone’s eyes on me at all. It was just the two of us, alone together, showing up. Because that’s what love does. It shows up. And I’d never stop doing it. I kissed my bride.