More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
When my mental health was struggling, I had a strict self-care regime. The second I started to notice the glitchy, staticky feeling creeping in, I made a concerted effort to exercise and get enough sleep. I cut out alcohol, processed sugar, and carbs, tried to eat more whole foods. Journaled. It all helped. And right now I needed all the help I could get. I was teetering on some precipice, trying not to
Interactions like this one didn’t wear me out. They knew me. They didn’t take it personally if I slipped into silence and just listened. They didn’t give me a hard time about not having any alcohol, which is something I never did either, to anyone. You never knew what someone’s reason was for not drinking. These friends were easy. Not all of them were.
Different people had different energy demands. Some people took more from me than others. Dad, for example, was low energy. I could spend days with him in his workshop and never feel like I needed a break. Jill and Jane were easy too.
“This is one of the best days of my life, on one of the worst days of my life. And all I’m going to remember when I think about it is you and what you’ve done.
I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything at all. Silence was always my default response. Sometimes things are easier to understand when unsaid. Sometimes words complicate things and make them murky. This moment didn’t need them.
“I always think that when we’re quiet, we’re agreeing to be harmless to each other. That we’re just sharing the same space and letting each other exist exactly as we are, and neither of us would hurt or upset the other one.”
He was diplomatic and not in the least bit petty. He was more inclined to take the high ground, put the blame for someone’s bad treatment of him on himself rather than publicly admit someone had done him dirty.
“Love shows up. That’s how you know when it’s real. And what a beautiful way to show up for someone,
Unresolved love always circles back. It lingers. It festers. It builds inside of you until it has to come out, and it putrefies everything else. It makes you resent who you’re with because they can’t be the one you really love and never will be. It makes you compare and feel disappointed every time you realize no one is as good as her.
Have you ever heard the saying that if you’re with someone who doesn’t speak your language, you’ll spend a lifetime having to translate your soul? Amy never spoke your language. That’s all. Nothing wrong with either of you, just two different people. That’s how I can tell Briana’s different. She understands you, even when you don’t say anything at all.” I looked at her. Mom had noticed that? “You should see the way she looks at you,” she said, going on. “When you’re not watching. She looks at you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her.”
“That woman is perfectly capable of telling you what she does and does not want. Ask her. If she sets a boundary, respect it. But if you ask her if you can show up, and she says yes? Show up. And don’t give up on her. Because I haven’t seen you this happy in a very long time.” I stared out over the pool. And I realized that I didn’t even have a choice but to show up. That the urge to be around Briana was so strong it circumvented everything. Pride. Better judgment. Humility. Even my anxiety.
“The truest sacrifices are the ones no one knows anything about.”
“I’m sorry someone made you feel like it’s hard to love you,”
My desire to see her overrode my own self-preservation instincts—in more ways than one.
“There’s nothing about me that I’m afraid for you to know.”
I liked seeing what Jacob did when no one was watching because it was exactly what he said he did.
It’s funny how similar longing feels to grief. Even though she was right here, all I could think about was the part that was missing. The part I’d never get.
She went silent for a long moment. “I’m broken.” The hopeless way she said it made tears pinch from my eyes. “We’re all a little broken, Briana. We are a mosaic. We’re made up of all those we’ve met and all the things we’ve been through. There are parts of us that are colorful and dark and jagged and beautiful. And I love every piece of you. Even the ones you wish didn’t exist.”
we are a mosaic. We’re made up of all those we’ve met and all the things we’ve been through. There are parts of us that are colorful and dark and jagged and beautiful.
