This Life and All the Rest (Next Life, #2)

by Brit Benson

To rock bottom, the journey back to the top, and growth.

Then I smell her, and it pisses me off. Vanilla. My brain shouts imposter and my whole body tightens. I hold my breath as she appears in front of me.

I’d stand here locked in this stare off forever, if it meant I got to keep her like this.

thought I could fix him, but it turns out, he just needed me out of the way. He grew up, got clean, and made a life, all without me.

made my decisions without him because I had to.

But instead of being just regular lines, they’re paint brushes. Two of them.

Omg stop

Lennon will always want Macon. That’s why I can’t be her anymore.

I saw the good in Macon back then—I might have been one of the few who did—but the good was always buried beneath attitude and drugs and self-loathing. I never thought I’d get to see it laid out so blatantly on his surface.

“Paris might be Capri’s home, but Lennon will always belong here, and I think we both know who you are.”

I’ve used up all my Macon Davis lives. I couldn’t survive him again.

She’s heaven and she’s hell. She’s my reward and my punishment. She’ll ruin me again. I know it.

The problem is my craving for Lennon has always been more powerful than any of the others. Drugs, liquor, sex, pain.

“For better or worse, she was always very agreeable. A people pleaser.”

Lennon hasn’t gotten more strong-willed with age. She’s gotten more honest.

“The heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of another's fire.”

fucking went to rehab for us,” he says, his voice shaking. “So I could love you right.”

“Why now, after four years? I was doing fine! I was doing good, and you have to come and derail me again? I was doing fine without you!”

“I never gave up on us,”

He’s the star in some of my best memories, but he’s also caused some of my worst.

“I’m an addict, Astraea. I don’t know how to do anything small. I feel intensely. I want intensely. I crave intensely. For me, if it’s not a healthy obsession, it’s not love.”

My Astraea, I’m sorry. If you’re reading this, that means your luggage got to your aunt’s house and you’re an ocean away from me. Fuck, I miss you already. Prom was the best night of my life. That memory is going to fuel my recovery, Astraea, I promise. I have to go to rehab. I’m leaving today after Trent drops you at the airport. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. Please don’t be mad at your dad. I asked him to send you early. I promise I’ll explain in detail when I get out and you come home in the fall. Enjoy England. I know it’s been your dream since you were little. Take lots of pictures because I want to hear all about it. Don’t give up on me, Astraea. Just wait for me a little while longer. Then when I get out, it’s you and me. For real. Out loud. Forever. I love you, Lennon Capri Washington.

Omg