Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

by Melody Beattie

Practice non-rescuing behaviors: Set boundaries. Say no when you want to say no. Do things you want to do. Refuse to guess what people want and need; instead insist that others ask you directly for what they want and need from you. Begin asking directly for what you want and need. Refuse to assume other people’s responsibilities. When you initially stop taking care of people who are used to you taking care of them, they may become angry or frustrated. You’ve changed the system, rocked the boat. It means more work for them, and they can’t use you anymore. Explain to them what you are doing and allow them to be responsible for their feelings. They may thank you later. They may even surprise you—sometimes the people we thought least able to take care of themselves can do so successfully when we stop taking care of them.