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“Be it holy soldier or thieving pirate, all shall know the wrath of Kain the Destroyer!” “HOLY CHEESE AND RICE, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
I turned to face my new mistress but slipped on a gooey substance and fell flat on my ass. The flaming sword dissipated into nothing. Well, that’s humiliating.
“How were you able to summon me?” I demanded. The purple woman burst into tears and waved her arms around her. “I don’t KNOW, OK?! I was just trying to bake cupcakes. You were supposed to be buttercream frosting!”
Though her breasts were unfortunately hidden by a frilly apron with the English words for “Kiss The Cook” sprawled across the chest. A tempting suggestion. One I fully intended to abuse once she stopped crying.
“Of course,” I said with a nod. “I, too, begin my cooking tasks by summoning ancient evils. Only a fool would attempt to make confections without at least two scoops of hellfire.”
No matter the size of the opponent, I would present her with her enemy’s heads on sticks and prove my strength. Then seducing her should be easy. Women love a man who delivers.
“Our contract ends once I’ve completed a task for you and you decide to dismiss me. As for your heart, I imagine other parts of you are sweeter.”
He was going to kill me. That was the only explanation. He intended to drive my soul from my body via a ridiculously drawn out orgasm and drag me down to hell. The worst part was that I wanted to go. If this is what dying felt like, then pay the reaper because fuck, I wanted to go.
“Yeah. It said to bake the cupcakes at 350 F for 20 minutes. But I lost so much time redoing the set up that I figured it would go twice as fast if I did 550 degrees for 10 minutes. I wanted 700 for an even double, but I guess it doesn’t go that high unless it’s on the ‘clean’ cycle.”
“I feel like logic would suggest not fucking the demon I summoned by accident. Twice.” She paused for a moment. “But, in for a penny, in for a pound.”
She leaned over to caress my face before she gave me a quick kiss and hurried off to the kitchen. I froze in place. The small gesture of affection was new and unexpected. Demons did not get sweet kisses. The deep red of my skin hid the flush in my cheeks.
