Surrender: poems for healing, growth, and love

by Stefanie Briar

All this darkness, all this wild hurt, and I still choose to inherit the sun.

there are not enough gardens to contain the ways I’ve bloomed.

I only want those who care enough to stay even when it isn’t easy. I want to be loved for the fire within me.

And we are all bleeding.

You are enough. You have always been enough. You will always be enough. You are enough whether you are right or wrong. You are enough whether you are healed or haunted. You are enough whether you fly or fall. You are enough exactly as you are.

My resilience is not soft; it is a thing with bloodstained teeth, and the blood is always my own.

I am so sorry that the ones who were supposed to love and protect you the most broke your heart first. I am sorry you’ve spent your whole life waiting for people to leave, and that hope always leads you to hurting eventually. I am sorry you were never taught to believe in and value yourself.

You are so much more than the hands you’ve been dealt.

I pull down the sky at the first sign of a raindrop. Every “off” day, every disconnect, I start rehearsing a new goodbye. These eyes can never see the forest for the trees. Every shift in energy has me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am always so hung up, so caught up, so stuck on every disaster that never was. Some days, I overthink myself into a nervous haze. I just want to find my way.

Let yourself be loved. It’s what you deserve, and it’s time you reap the peace that comes from finally learning that not everyone leaves.

You are worth staying for.

You are safe. You are whole. You are loved, and no more broken than anyone else.

I rise too early and stay up way too late, agonizing over what I said wrong, what I did wrong, and all that could have gone wrong that day. Anxiety never sleeps.

I have given love every ounce of strength and madness I have ever had to give. I refuse to regret that. I will always love like a tidal wave, hoping to be both swept away and saved, because, in the end… aren’t they the same thing when you get right down to it?

Are our nervous systems dysregulated due to being fed the lies that we will never be successful unless we’re a slave to the grind?

You ever feel someone slipping away from you, and you just finally decide that you are done fighting all of heaven, earth, and hell to keep them for yourself?

You can no more lose what’s meant for you than you can keep what never was.

Never lose yourself trying to love someone else.

It's okay to love what haunts.

In healing from you, I came home to myself again.

What if I really fell in love with the way that I love: with endless depth, unconditional forgiveness, fire to rival the sun, loyalty to rival the stars?

this is all I ever wanted in the end… to be able to feel love for you, and not have it rip me open.

The cold, cruel, soul-shattering truth? You cannot love someone into choosing you.

Start showing up for yourself the way you do for everyone else.

Choose your true Self every time; the rest will fall in line.

I will always, always rise.

I deserved to have space held for me in the safety of my own arms, away from the shadows of others’ judgment.

You will hate me, you will curse me, you will call me your undoing, but you will never never forget my name.