Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion

by Gabrielle Stanley Blair

pregnancy and abortion are not “a woman’s issue.” Men don’t play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Men’s lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies.

We have an entire pregnancy prevention industry built around the brief, elusive period of monthly female fertility, and nothing, absolutely nothing even close to equivalent, that addresses the always persistent male fertility. We are laser-focused on the wrong thing.

We treat ejaculation as something that happens at random, that is unintentional, that is impossible to anticipate or predict. And we treat ovulation like it can be pinpointed well in advance and easily predicted. Somehow, we’ve confused the two.

When learning that 78 percent statistic, a responsible man would not respond: Well, the Pull-Out Method isn’t effective enough, so I won’t bother. But rather: I’d better learn what mistakes to avoid with the Pull-Out Method. This is serious business. I can’t mess around with someone else’s life like that. Part of my becoming an adult means I need to know how to pull out effectively and to do everything I can, like using condoms or considering a vasectomy, to make sure it doesn’t come to that in the first place. Is this asking too much? We expect women to use their birth control perfectly, to remember to take the Pill daily, to keep up with doctor’s appointments and prescriptions. Why shouldn’t we expect men to use their birth control methods perfectly as well?

It should be very clear that when a couple is deciding between a vasectomy for the man or a tubal ligation for the woman, the vasectomy should be the easy choice every time.

Even though birth control options for men have a long list of distinct advantages, we’ve put the burden of pregnancy prevention on women. We’ve put the burden on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life.

Here’s the thing, if you’re someone who is interested in reducing abortions, as strange as it sounds, focusing on abortions is not the answer. Neither is focusing on women. Women are already doing the work of pregnancy prevention. No. If you actually want to reduce abortions, you need to start much earlier. Instead of focusing on abortions, you need to focus on preventing unwanted pregnancies. And to do that, you need to focus on preventing irresponsible ejaculations.

If your focus is solely on abortion and whether it is a legal or moral right, you still won’t reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you won’t reduce the number of irresponsible ejaculations. But! If you focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, you will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you will dramatically reduce the number of abortions.

No. I’m not taking responsibility away from women, I’m just reminding men of theirs. Holding men accountable for their actions does not make women victims. Asking men to take some responsibility is not the same as allowing women to take no responsibility.

Anyone experiencing pregnancy and childbirth should expect permanent, negative changes to their body, including scarring, pain, and loss of function. That may sound like an extreme thing to say, but I would argue that it only sounds extreme because our culture consistently downplays what women experience during pregnancy and childbirth.