Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion

by Gabrielle Stanley Blair

At eighty years old, a woman who menstruated for forty years will have experienced 480 days of fertility. At eighty years old, a man who hit puberty at age twelve will have experienced 24,208 days of fertility.

Men don’t play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Men’s lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies.

We treat ejaculation as something that happens at random, that is unintentional, that is impossible to anticipate or predict. And we treat ovulation like it can be pinpointed well in advance and easily predicted. Somehow, we’ve confused the two.

A great reminder that most everything about birth control is overly complicated and difficult, and men in power are largely responsible for these complications.

I don’t think anyone would argue with the premise that there is a pervasive perception in American culture that men prefer condom-less sex. Why this preference? Because we’ve been told (in books, in movies, in memes) that it doesn’t feel as good as sex without a condom. (Meaning it doesn’t feel as good for men. What it feels like for their partner doesn’t really enter into the discussion.)

Tubal ligations are routinely denied to women who are under thirty-five or who don’t have kids. And not for the reasons outlined above, but because we have a paternalistic medical system that believes women aren’t capable of making decisions about their own bodies.

When it comes to birth control, and really, life in general, we favor preserving men’s convenience, peace of mind, and pleasure over preventing or relieving women’s suffering.

If you’re a man reading this book, the contrasts and imbalances between men and women that I’ve outlined so far may have come as a surprise to you, though they probably didn’t make you defensive. But this section might. Because the argument I’m going to make is: All unwanted pregnancies are caused by irresponsible ejaculations. Or, in simpler terms: Men cause all unwanted pregnancies.

Truth doesnt make me defensive. This makes perfect sense.

If someone tells you to do an irresponsible thing, and you choose to do that irresponsible thing, that’s on you.

If your bodily fluids have the potential to harm your partner, it’s your responsibility to ensure they don’t.

When asked what men can do to prevent unwanted pregnancies, if a man answers, “Well, the woman just needs to . . .” that’s a clear indication that he has no actual interest in preventing unwanted pregnancies. He wants to focus on women, but he needs to focus on men.

In one study, 30 to 35 percent of men admit they would rape if they thought they could get away with it legally.

What the fuck

Murder is the leading cause of death for pregnant women, often committed by the man who impregnated them.

Don’t ask: Why don’t women pick better men? Instead, ask: Why are there so many abusive men? And: Why don’t we teach men not to abuse?

When her mind is programmed to give, she struggles to say “no.” When his mind is programmed to take, he struggles to accept “no.”

The United States, one of the richest countries in the world, is ranked #56 in maternal mortality—that’s dead last among industrialized countries.

So why don’t we talk about the dangers of pregnancy and childbirth openly? Why aren’t the risks common knowledge? I can think of two reasons: First, there’s a worry that if women acknowledge that their pregnancy and childbirth were difficult, it somehow implies that they didn’t want their baby or don’t love their child. Some women have a relatively easy time being pregnant, others don’t. Regardless of their experience, most women are pressured to say they are enjoying the pregnancy. Second, it seems to be some sort of instinct to preserve the human race—it’s like we evolved to not look too closely at the realities of pregnancy and childbirth.

Our society is set up to protect men from the consequences of their own actions. Our laws and policies could not be better designed to protect men who abandon the pregnancies they cause.

A culture of ejaculating responsibly, combined with free and accessible birth control and thorough sex education, will bring the number of unwanted pregnancies close to zero.