Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion

by Gabrielle Stanley Blair

It makes us feel good to think that men could share the responsibility of their ejaculation with women. But share how? Does he carry half the pregnancy? Does he experience half the labor and delivery? Does he breastfeed half the days?

Worldwide, maternal death rates are falling. At the same time, in the United States, maternal mortality rates are rising—they have more than doubled over the last three decades. These deaths are disproportionately of Black women, making it significantly more dangerous for Black women to experience pregnancy and childbirth.

AND they’re more likely to lack the resources and supported needed to navigate all the decisions, appointments, etc. noted in the previous chapter.

a pregnant woman is more likely to die due to that pregnancy than a police officer is to be killed on the job.

If asked to list the bravest among us who do dangerous work or risky activities, I would expect people to name first responders or firefighters, rock climbers or skydivers—I doubt anyone would mention pregnant women.

And childbirth does much more for the world than rock climbing T_ I

being wanted literally helps children thrive. And it’s not just that, research is clear that outcomes for children who are born from unwanted pregnancies are . . . not great.

Adoption is rarely a clean slate for anyone involved.

it’s comforting to think of adoption as a social good. It’s difficult to face hard truths that we’re all implicated in—and everyone’s implicated, because everyone’s lives are touched by adoption.

One woman who had relinquished a child and then later had an abortion said that people who claim that abortion trauma is anywhere near as bad as the trauma of relinquishment have no idea what they are talking about.

Adoption does not always have the storybook ending we’ve been sold. It should not be approached casually or lightly, and whenever possible, all efforts to keep the baby with its birth parents should be the priority. Adoption should not be looked at as an easy fix for an unwanted pregnancy.

How they manage their sperm has life and death consequences. To the extent we have not underscored the grave reality of that fact, we have seriously failed men and women.

It’s true I don’t know the extent of men’s sexual urges. But I do know bodily urges. I know urges that all humans experience that are far, far stronger than sexual urges for both men and women—the urge to urinate and defecate. They are urges so strong that even if I ignore them, my body will take over and act on those urges. All humans know those urges, but we have learned to control them. We don’t just pee anywhere. We pee in toilets. We hold it till we get there. We build bathroom breaks into our day. We’re not asking too much when we expect men to control their sexual urges, when we expect men to take responsibility for their own bodily fluids, when we expect men to ejaculate responsibly.

The most effective, proven way to reduce abortions that we know of is free and accessible birth control.

In addition to free and accessible birth control, good sex education is also a really effective way to reduce abortions.

A culture of ejaculating responsibly, combined with free and accessible birth control and thorough sex education, will bring the number of unwanted pregnancies close to zero.

normalize condom use so much that asking “Should I wear a condom?” is universally recognized as a ridiculous question. Just like asking “Should I wear a seatbelt?” is ridiculous.

Don’t lecture women about their bodies while avoiding conversations with men about their bodies.

DEMAND FACT-BASED SEX EDUCATION

This whole section is gold.

Sex education needs to make it unmistakably clear that men can ejaculate almost anywhere but in a woman’s vagina.

Refuse to let politicians and political groups grandstand about abortion. Be clear that if they are focusing on women, or celebrating an ineffective ban, then they are wasting everybody’s time. If they actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, they need to show how they plan to prevent unwanted pregnancies and hold men responsible for their actions.

ask specific questions: What is your plan for preventing irresponsible ejaculations? Where are the programs for free, accessible birth control? Where are the statewide sex-ed programs that explain how dangerous sperm is? What should the legal consequences be for men who cause unwanted pregnancies?

People are seeing the futility of a focus on abortion, the nonsense and hypocrisy of slut-shaming, and the immoral efforts to regulate and control women’s bodies, when instead, everything can be resolved with a singular focus: Ejaculate responsibly.