The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

by Robert Waldinger

So when you bump up against something about your partner that bothers you, before reacting, pause to watch, and take note of your reactions and what you are thinking. Then interpret your feelings and try to make sense of what’s going on. Ask: Why is this issue important to me? What exactly is my view? Where does it come from? Is this something I learned from my family growing up? Something I learned from previous relationships? Something that was emphasized in my religious training? Then, the harder part: try to step into your partner’s shoes. Why is my partner having such a strong reaction, behaving in this particular way, thinking this particular thing? Why might it be important to my partner and where might my partner have learned this? Where is it coming from? Sometimes it’s difficult to start conversations about challenging topics, and difficult to move interactions in a new direction.