The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

by Robert Waldinger

our ability to process emotions is malleable. In fact, managing emotions is one of the things we actually get better at as we grow old. And there is strong evidence that we don’t have to wait until late in our lives for this to happen. With the right guidance and some practice, we can learn to be better at managing our feelings at any age.

First, we can tune in to difficult feelings rather than try to ignore them.

Occasionally, try to notice the good drivers, the good people.

The final and most powerful approach is simply to remain open to the possibility of people behaving differently than we expect. The more ready we are to be surprised by people, the more likely we are to notice when they do something that doesn’t match our expectation.

There also might be some overlooked opportunities to connect with our immediate families during daily routines. One of the most powerful of these routines happens to be one of the simplest, and the oldest: family dinners.

Work, too, is life.

Without friends, no one would choose to live.

Friends, in short, keep us healthier.

As we move through life, our social lives don’t always keep pace.

But with every passage from one life stage into another, it’s natural that certain friendships will be lost. One common theme among a huge number of Study participants, both women and men, is the loss of friends after retirement. As we discussed in Chapter Nine, for some of us work is the foundation of our social universe. When it’s removed, our social fitness can suffer.

it doesn’t matter how old you are, where you are in the life cycle, whether you are married or not married, introverted or extroverted; everyone can make positive turns in their life.

Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer

Basic education is sometimes referred to as the three Rs: reading, writing, and arithmetic. Because early education is meant to prepare students for life, we believe there should be a fourth R in basic education: relationships.

Thousands of stories from the Harvard Study show us that the good life is not found by providing ourselves with leisure and ease. Rather, it arises from the act of facing inevitable challenges, and from fully inhabiting the moments of our lives. It appears, quietly, as we learn how to love and how to open ourselves to being loved, as we grow from our experiences, and as we stand in solidarity with others through the inevitable string of joys and adversities in every human life.

First, by recognizing that the good life is not a destination. It is the path itself, and the people who are walking it with you. As you walk, second by second you can decide to whom and to what you give your attention. Week by week you can prioritize your relationships and choose to be with the people who matter. Year by year you can find purpose and meaning through the lives that you enrich and the relationships that you cultivate. By developing your curiosity and reaching out to others—family, loved ones, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, even strangers—with one thoughtful question at a time, one moment of devoted, authentic attention at a time, you strengthen the foundation of a good life.