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Maybe this is a story of two human beings who committed to each other very young and didn’t survive one another’s changes.
Toward the end, my husband and I were distant, and the distance makes sense. If you feel that someone is being unkind or unfair to you, you don’t want to be close to them. Then you aren’t close to them, so you grow further apart. More unkindness, more distance. It’s a vicious cycle, and breaking it requires deep work.
For the first time in my life, there is an opening on the time line, an opening not labeled with a man’s name, like the white space between stanzas in a poem. There are blessings inside every curse.
If years ago someone had said, your husband will do X, or your husband will say Y, what would I have done? First of all, and crucially: I wouldn’t have believed it. Second of all: If I had believed it, I would’ve changed paths—turned back to page 22, flipped ahead to page 41. If I’d been convinced, finally, of its truth, its inevitability, I would’ve chosen a different way.
