Hello Stranger

by Katherine Center

Plus, don’t we all, deep down, carry an inextinguishable longing for our parents to be proud of us? Even long after we’ve given up?

It’s a disorienting thing to know there’s something wrong with you. It made everything about my life seem different. Worse. False. Like I’d been misunderstanding everything all along.

You’re not just your face, is what I mean. But man, it sure is a big part of you. Like your shadow. So faithfully and constantly with you, you don’t even notice it. It’s just always there. But then one day it’s gone.

“Our thoughts create our emotions. So if you fixate on your worst-case scenario, you’ll make things harder for yourself.” “You want me not to fixate on the worst-case scenario?” “I want you to start practicing the art of self-encouragement.” “So when I catch myself worrying, I should try to convince myself that things are going to be fine?” “That’s one way to do it.” “But what if I don’t believe it?” “Then keep arguing.”

“Acquired apperceptive prosopagnosia.” Then she added: “Also known as face blindness.”

Dogs were so good at forgiveness. He alternated great-to-see-you licks with deep, soul-searching gazes—like he couldn’t believe his luck that I’d returned. And he wasn’t the only one feeling lucky. Because the only face I’d seen since the surgery just happened to be my very favorite one.

“You’re very in your head,” she said. “I’d like to see you dip into your heart.” “I like it in my head.” “But that’s not really where we live.”

“Have you met people?” I asked. “People don’t help other people.”

“You know those old guys who smoke a pack a day but live to be a hundred?” “Yeah?” “He’s kind of like that, but with croissants.”

“Can you date patients?” I asked, in lieu of shouting Yes! Let’s get married!

But I guess that’s the great thing about life—it gives you chance after chance to rethink it all. Who you want to be. How you want to live. What really matters.

“How is it possible,” I said, gazing at the sight of him in wonder, “that you were everywhere? All along?”

Isn’t it lucky when we’re drawn to people who can teach us things we need to learn?

Seeing the world differently helps you see things not just that other people can’t—but that you yourself never could if you weren’t so lucky. It lets you make your own rules. Color outside your own lines. Allow yourself another way of seeing.

But I find the antidote to that is just keeping a sense of humor. And staying humble. And laughing a lot. And doubling down on smiling. We’re all just muddling through, after all. We’re all just doing the best we can. We’re all struggling with our struggles. Nobody has the answers. And everybody, deep down, is a little bit lost.

Sometimes we really are the best versions of ourselves. I see that about us. And I’m determined to keep seeing that about us. Because that really might be the truest thing I’ll ever know: The more good things you look for, the more you find.