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“If I waited until I felt confident to live my life and do the things I want to do, I’d never live.”
“It seems to me, Annie, that you are just waiting for someone to give you permission to be yourself out loud.”
the more time I spend with you, the more I feel something coming to life inside me. Something I can’t quite pinpoint but I don’t want to lose either. You make me feel different, and I like it. I feel free with you—adventurous and curious.”
Sort of like the first day of your senior year of high school. You can sense the change around the corner, but it’s not in your grasp quite yet. Somehow
How is it possible to crave change and relish familiarity at the same time?
I’m not sure I’ve ever said that out loud before—or even realized that it was true. But now I feel almost outside of myself, as I watch a younger Annie try to pick up the pieces for her siblings. Cutting her hands in the process and never telling anyone she’s bleeding.
No one—and I mean no one—has ever been able to read me. But Annie does. It’s like she has the subtitles turned on for my brain,
Who I was and who I am becoming are meeting at an intersection and deciding who should proceed.
You might not have been there day in and day out after you left home, but I never doubted that you were always one phone call away and you’d drop everything to be there for me. So…thank you.”
It’s not something you just get over or choose to un-feel. And I think the day I came to terms with that was when I started truly healing. I’ll never be able to shove it down with some elbow grease.
thought my constant work was bringing me was actually hurting me.
“What do you need from me, sweetie? Advice? Or for me to listen?” “Advice. I really need advice.”
And now I’ve lived so much of my life without sharing who I am with them, that I don’t know how to start. I don’t know how to tell them that this version of me they’ve seen for so long is not necessarily true to me anymore.”
I’ve never been this dramatic in my entire life, and I’m sure that tomorrow I’ll feel embarrassed about it. But for tonight, I just need to be authentically me. Messy embarrassing emotions and all. “I’m
