I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

by Baek Se-hee

I wasn’t deathly depressed, but I wasn’t happy either, floating instead in some feeling between the two.

Me: I always think of myself as weak, and that everyone picks up on how weak I am. That no matter how intimidatingly I say something, they’ll see right through me. I’m afraid that people will see me as pathetic.

I’ve worked hard to get here. And now I make a living doing what I enjoy.

Instead of keeping people at arm’s length or living in the anxiety of trying desperately not to be discarded after a relationship is established, try thinking more in terms of, ‘Am I really compatible with this person? What do I like about them, and what do I not?’

to be the kind of person who can easily become close to a person they like.

I’m devastated if someone I like doesn’t like me, and devastated when someone does end up loving me; either way, I am looking at myself through the eyes of another. In the end, I’m torturing myself.

Sometimes, when someone tells me to ‘Cheer up’ when I’m going through a tough time, I just want to wring their neck. Just be there to hold my hand, be sad or angry with me, or if you’ve gone through something similar, tell me about it and say it will all pass eventually.