I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

by Baek Se-hee

If you have a strict superego, the act of being punished eventually becomes gratifying. For example, if you’re suspicious of the love you’re receiving, and so act out until your partner lashes out and leaves you, you feel relief. You eventually become controlled more by imaginary outside forces than anything that is actually you.

‘Extremes tend to connect. For example, people who appear arrogant tend to have low self-esteem. They keep trying to get others to look up to them.’

feel stability when I depend on someone, but my resentment builds up. When I get out of the relationship I feel free, but anxiety and emptiness soon follow. In every relationship I’ve had, I cling to my partner but also treat them harshly.

Just because certain conditions in your life are relatively better, it doesn’t mean you’re better off in general.

You’re not hitting rock bottom right now. When we’re sinking in water, it can be a relief to feel the ground beneath our feet, the rock bottom, because we know we can kick against it to rise again. But if you can’t feel the ground in life, the fear can be overwhelming. So maybe it’s good to find your rock bottom.