I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

by Baek Se-hee

‘If you want to be happy, you mustn’t fear the following truths but confront them head-on: one, that we are always unhappy, and that our sadness, suffering and fear have good reasons for existing. Two, that there is no real way to separate these feelings completely from ourselves.’ – Une Parfaite Journée Parfaite by Martin Page

I’ve also realised that revealing my darkness is just as natural a thing to do as revealing my light.

Just as a light flu can make our whole body hurt, a light depression can make our minds ache all over.

If we have a habit of judging people from a simplistic perspective, that perspective will eventually turn against ourselves. But it’s also all right to be angry once in a while. For example, think of a person you admire and imagine what they would do in such a situation. Wouldn’t they be angry as well? They’d find this situation intolerable, too, wouldn’t they? If the answer is yes, then allow yourself to be angry.

I think you tend to focus too much on your ideals and pressure yourself by thinking, I have to be this kind of person! Even when those ideals are, in fact, taken from someone else and not from your own thoughts and experiences.

They say that when we get too hurt we try to forget our wounds instead of healing them,

It’s a question of whether ‘everything you ever wanted’ was ever what you really wanted in the first place.

I always considered pain or discomfort as me being a nuisance. I would censor my own pain. Despite my discomfort, I cared more about how I appeared to others. I hated to look as if I was whining about something that was actually more or less bearable. I was ashamed of my pain. Which was why it took so long for me to acknowledge the side effects of the medicine.

I want to always be motivated by love. If pure rationality keeps forcing itself into the spaces in between, I shall lose the shine and comfort of my life