The Way Back Home

by Courtney Peppernell

Said the spirit in earnest, “After a storm, despite all the destruction in its wake, we must find it deep within ourselves to find a way through such heartache.”

“A home, to rebuild and to relearn, for once a home is built, all that we are will eventually return.”

when you start with every day and choose to carry on, the world’s rhythm begins to sing. Until, eventually, the darkness subsides and the water recedes, and you’ll find yourself returning like an old friend, lost for a while but never truly gone, a bump in the road but not the end—for even if we fall and become lost in the way we roam, humanity’s greatest strength will always be its resolve to find the way back home.

For even in the stillness of this life, your existence matters. Courage lives in the refusal to surrender and the will to stay.

“You can always find me,” Courage said. “Be at peace with your fear; it runs alongside me, as I run alongside it—fear will not stop you from finding me.”

And this breathtaking thing happens; you realize that you made it happen. You moved your feet. You had the courage to take the step forward when everything inside you told you not to.

As if the universe had decided my purpose was to feel lost, helpless. There would be no soul to carry me, no person to lean on, no love to take my face into their hands and promise life would go on.

The truth of the matter was this—it was my job to find the courage myself. I was the intervention. I chose what road to travel. I was the good in my life. I needed to create the magic all on my own, even through the fear and in all the ways I had drowned. For in the courage comes this new capacity to be beautiful, brave, and found.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would tell a younger me that the person she will spend the most time with in life is herself.

I would tell her to be gentle when looking at her reflection. I would tell her courage always remains, even on the days she cannot see it.

I would tell her there is no shame in falling apart, that life isn’t always picture-perfect or uplifting.

But I would also promise her there is always good and necessity in growing and rebuilding.

The maple trees are shedding leaves, and I am reminded of the beauty in letting go. The way the trees rustle and the leaves fall, and yet the branches remain. Like shedding layers of skin, only our bones stay the same, like a house with no walls, but the structure is still in place, like the courage I yearn for— I am hopeful my heart will make space.

I was finally reminded that, in spite of the fire, and the continual days not knowing which way to go, sometimes even a tiny seedling still has the courage to grow.

Life does not end with uncertainty. There have been beautiful things discovered in the unknown.

She said I am retreating behind my walls She said I have been hurt too many times before She said my heart can’t take this anymore To her, I say— “Your courage to wear your heart on your sleeve is the most beautiful thing about you.”

Courage is from the heart. It is the center of us. The reason our blood flows through our veins and our lives carry on. The heart suffers many things—broken from others, grievances of life, rejection, disappointment, overwhelming fear. But it also holds room for joy, love, admiration, and tranquillity. Without having heart, we cease to live.

More importantly, courage comes from having heart.

The little spark had returned—warmer than before, stronger, lighting up the night.

You are never the same, not after such loss. It’s just like something inside you breaks and it never really heals—not completely. The skin may join again over the wound, but you’re still left with a scar. The ache never really goes away; it’s a ghost, always returning, forever haunting. It’s just, over time, your heart makes room for it. And in the space that it now haunts, the rest of your heart tries to fill itself with the courage to continue forward, compensating for a grief you never thought you would have to live with. It’s like breaking your right hand and learning to use your left hand, or losing your sense of taste and relying on the memory you had of strawberries, such sweetness. You grow into the space, and eventually it does not consume you.

It is not a singular event; to be who you are. You are always evolving. You are always seeking courage to express yourself.

Conformity is soul damaging. It rots you from the inside, day by day, year by year. It stops you from seeing beauty— from being and relishing beauty.

I had been so many things before I had been myself. I was lost, scared, filled with chaos. I was angry, alone, devoid of love. But I was looking for myself in all the wrong places. I had never existed in the deep shadows or the darkness. I had not inherited the dread, I had allowed it to consume me instead. I had always been the sun.

Three breaths, inhale, exhale, release.

The days feel longer and longer. It has been a difficult year, this one. Things happened I never thought could. I can see it in the world’s sunken eyes—exhaustion, defeat, all the unknowns. And yet light still remains inside.

I listen to my own heartbeat. Often alone in the dark. A reminder I am alive.

I promise, I am trying. Really trying. Even on the days the world seems bleak. Even on the nights all I can muster is a gentle smile in my sleep.

I trust that there is purpose in all the things I feel. Even if the pain takes years to heal. Even if the journey feels impossible to explain. I know that in life it takes courage to return home again.

And yet I am still here, I’m here and I carry on.

For all the people who walk into your life, there will be an important few who fill your heart with memories and your mind with a world of possibilities. These are the ones to hold on to, the ones to show how much you care. So, with these few, give them your time. For time is the only thing that cannot be returned. It is the most precious part of you. When you give someone your time, you are saying, here are all the minutes I will never see again, and they will always be linked with you.

I hope you find support in the same way the night sky found the stars. So, for every time you feel alone, you know you are surrounded by light.

Sometimes I am happy and other times I am sad. All the days, I am quiet and longing to spread my wings and fly high into the sky, where dreams are endless and possibility awaits.